Notes

My Human Life P.1/P.10 09/23/15
Hello World,
My name is Charlie. Since the beginning of time I have never been enough for somebody. Letting people down and down along my entire lifeline. Sure I tried to blend and fit in with everybody else but it just wasn't me. I've been different since I can remember. I was never a jock or a nerd or a gamer, there was no category for me. I was found unusual and girly even though I'm a guy. I was always made fun of but I never let it get to me and I still don't. Of course no one actually knows any of the stuff about me in here because I just keep it for myself since that's really the only person you have in the end. Don't get me wrong I had great friends but none of which ever stay or actually really care about what's going on with you. People observe things all day and learn from everything around them but rarely do they ever realize the truth about how someone is feeling or what that person is all about. Most are easier to analyze then others but surely you'll never truly figure them out. Even when you might least expect it something of absolute consciousness can happen. Back to me though, I live in my own body but I can't understand who I am. I want to be someone different but with the world I live in I won't last two steps down the road before getting stopped by some type of judgement. When I was little everyone believed I was the perfect child, I was always happy and ready for the day. I don't remember when I would actually complain. Kids threw stuff at me wrote me things and even told me I should change genders. Of course it hurt but it was okay, I had my family. Well, truth is it family can sometimes help with the pressure. I would get home to my brother calling me by girl names and my other one calling me gay. But then my cousins helped too, "wait you like girls, I though u were gay?" Yeah sure call me gay it doesn't matter. It was 6th grade when I started self harm and I would just lie on m bed thinking what I would even do with my life. I was hated by everyone I knew and there was nobody there by my teachers. Oh my teachers loved me. I would get to school 40 minutes early and an hour after just to avoid being hurt. Once I was in the bathroom and I didn't realize a kid was behind me. I was only in eighth grade and he pulled out a pocket knife and threatened me. I cried but told no one. Not a single teacher or adult knew anything. I tried to skip scho-