Notes

Amy & Slater's Bible
In the beginning, there was weeb shit. In said "weeb shit", there was a super cute girl named Emilia. Every Friday night, Emilia would spend her time sleeping on the floor at the feet of Rem and Ram. However, this Friday night was different..
Rem and Ram were fast asleep in their bed, but this time, Emilia was no where to be found. Rem, suddenly starting to stir, looks over to where Emilia normally would be only to notice she was gone. Instantly sitting up, Rem proceeded to shake awake Ram; alerting her of the absence of Emilia.
"Emilia is gone!" shouted Rem.
"Oh shit nigga" replied Ram, "we should prolly go find our hoe."
After having talked it over, Rem and Ram concurred to search Roswall's dark room. They searched under pillows, and even dug underneath Roswall's secret collection of anal pleasuring devices, only to come up sticky handed. While searching, out of nowhere, they heard a loud scream coming from the kitchen. Briskly jogging to the kitchen, they were promptly greeted with Emilia, sitting on the floor naked.
Rem, having entered the room first, shouted "What the fuck are you doing Emilia-tan?!"
Emilia, after promptly standing up, ushered Rem and Ram over to the dining table, proceeding to justify her actions.
"This was my first time.." explained Emilia.
"Go on.." Rem pressured Emilia, getting her to continue on.
"Well," Emilia continued on, "I was opening my ham wallet with a wooden spoon."
"What the actual fuck does that even mean?" Ram demanded.
"Y'know, saucin' the taco." calmly replied Emilia.
Rem and Ram looked at Emilia, a confused look in their eyes. Emilia proceeded to raise her spoon up, seductively licking up the length. Rem and Ram were slowly starting to piece together what had occurred.
"Is your vagina okay?" Rem asked.
Emilia shrugged, "No, the handle broke off inside me."
"I'll get it out!" Ram eagerly volunteered.
Emilia slowly leaned back, parting her red sea. Ram moved toward Emilia, grabbing tongs along the way. Tip-toeing the tongs through Emilia's two lips, Ram went digging for the supposed handle. Ram, having no luck finding the alleged handle, began to wonder if the handle was even there. Since the tongs weren't really helping the cause, Ram decided to go straight in with her hand. Emilia, moaning in delight, urged Ram to go deeper.
"Hell yeah, dig for that gold, baby!" Emilia cried out in pleasure.
Rem, feeling neglected, began stripping down, declaring "My body is ready!"
Emilia and Ram parted, allowing room for Rem to participate in their mating ritual. Rem proceeded to shove her fist down Emilia's throat, turning her into a rotisserie chicken. Just as they were starting to have fun, a loud crash sounded the other room. The three girls perked up, and to their dismay, in the doorway stood none other than THE Charlie Brown. Almost instantaneously upon arrival, Charlie Brown grabbed a hold of Rem and Ram, ripping their appendages out of the lust-filled Emilia. Emilia fell limp and began to sob with displeasure. Charlie Brown took note of her sadness, and proceeded to throw her against the wall, a pool of blood soon forming beneath her head. He then shoved Rem inside of Ram, stuffing Ram full of meat. Rem squirmed inside the lifeless Ram, soon falling dead herself. Charlie Brown peered around at the carnage, feeling pleased with himself. However, a bit of life still present in Emilia caught his attention. He leaned over her nearly deceased body, looking to hear her last breath. It then occurred to him she was trying to say something. He leaned forward, even more so, to make out what she was saying.
Finally, before going completely limp, Emilia whispered a few last words,

"There never was a wooden spoon."