Notes

I've wasted so much time and effort on people who never valued me on those who took me for granted and I just realized that after a year of me putting so much effort in them, and it saddened me a lot because I've been trying to prove everyone else wrong, I've been trying to make them seem worth every single thing I ever did to keep them.
But my bad, I was mistaken
Despite all of that, in that year I've been trying to push everyone else away, to keep everyone away from me just because I felt that being close to someone else is basically like me betraying my own heart
I've lost a lot, a lot really. And it didn't seem to matter back then, because I thought that I had someone more valuable someone precious and rare someone who'd never harm me in any way
But it turned out to be that all of what he ever did to me was harmful and that sticking by his side was self destructive
In that year I've been replacing the gaps in him with pieces of me, I've made him turn back into a whole I didn't know that doing that would turn me into a ruin
I believed that no one would ever love me and appreciate me as much as he does, and that I was too hard to handle and that he was the only one capable of doing so.
I kept on pushing everyone away with the excuse of me fearing another loss, fearing another disappointment
Sadly, the only loss I'm grieving now is losing myself within him, and my only disappointment turned out to be him
It doesn't only hurt me because he disappointed me, that's all he ever did anyways. But it did hurt me because I allowed him to do so, I did that to myself I allowed myself to get hurt by him
Because I did that to myself I hate myself because I believed that he was the only good out there for me and it all turned out to be the opposite
And I still can't believe that he took me for granted, I can't believe that he's still doing what hurts me because he's sure of me always being there, he knows that I can't just walk away.
He knows about my pieces that are within him, he knows that even if I did walk away I'll never be a whole again, therefore I'll always end up back by his side.