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Chapters: Oneshot
Reviewer: mikachannie
First Impression: (5/5)
The title wasn't that overused and it was kind of a chestnut. It came to me innocently but when I read that you pulled a Rated M sign, it became meddling. I was snooping for more at the moment.
External Forces: (8/10)
I liked your poster the moment I saw it. It was sketching in my head through the darkness and the image was very absorbing. I just needed to deduct some points because I find the font styles dull and unstimulating. The way you paragraphed your scenes was good, though. ;)
Foreword : (12/15)
You did a good job at giving off some compelling sneaky foreword. At that piece, your readers will get an idea of what they'll read and eventually intrigue them. Though I wasn't that much of a fan of Character descriptions, you still gave an effort of introducing the Characters well enough.
Originality/Characterization : (20/20)
The story was really original. I loved how cute and sweet you showed the development of your characters.
Plot /Flow of Story : (15/20)
I need to say that there were times I was thinking so hard, imagining some scenes especially the one happened inside the warehouse. But I read it again and got to imagine it well. I deducted some points because I felt like it was missing something, maybe more inviting piece of scribbles here and there. But over all, it was all good.
Grammar / Spelling : (13/15 )
I had some problems with your spellings and use of words. There are a lot of mispelled words. I wasn't that sure if it was a typo or like. You also had some troubles with complex expression. I can recommend you to use simpler words to let your readers focus on your ideas. There were also some redundant expressions but it was all cool.
Author's Technique : (14/15)
Even though at some points, I wasn't really pleased, the fact that your story was charismatic and unique, it made me impressed. I love how you put out the words your characters say and how you somehow really connected with your readers.
Final Score : (88/100)
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