Notes

5-7 AM thoughts :

I normally stay up till 6am and wake up at 2pm- and think it's normal. Talking to Roblox friends. Today I just came to the realization that actually it really isn't normal (Shocking!) because I realized no one was up but my Roblox friends. I loved my Summer, I think. I've actually never ever had a "Roblox" summer ya kno? I did like have a catching fire roblox summer with my cousin lol but that doesn't count cause it wasn't with the "war community or w/e". I woke up at 5 AM and ran at 6 AM. I saw the sunset every morning with my cross country team which then I made some of my best friends from school. My school year was doing great in the beginning which consisted of me running every day after school. But then the season ended and my ex best friend Laney (for 9 months dude!) contacted me. I missed her so much but acted like I hated her low key. (Because hating someone is easier then missing someone imo) I'm super glad we are best friends again but with that drama, problems, and stress happens. (Not Laney, just Roblox in general.) I think it's worth it if I could have my best friend back and we can create new memories. I hate boys. I really don't hate boys. But i do, you feel me? I have a problem of getting attached and it takes me the longest to get over them but once I do, I do. You see I just don't know HOW to get over them. It took me the longest time last time it was kinda depressing. This time im still hurting man!! I do miss Ethan. I still do like him. I know he moved on, I'm supposed to too. I will, eventually. It just takes me a while. I missed Chris for some time untill I started to like Dan. (Lol Chris and Dan kms.) I missed Dan untill I had that 9 month break which set me free from roblox u feel me? I didnt really forget about him but time helps in moving on. Right now, I still miss Ethan. Ethan... hmm. I really wish we didn't date too, Ethan. I wouldn't be feeling like this and I wouldn't have been attached. You were the first boy I've actually told about to my friends. They all liked you. You were the only boy I was proud of. (Even though I only dated 2 not the point ok shush.) I do still miss you and I show it. Low key to some people high key to others hahaha kms. ANYWAY, I don't want to ef my life up. Im not saying anyone's life on Roblox is messed up, it's just I don't want to ruin mine because of a game. I know I can manage a game and my grades ( strait As for now yeeet), but is it worth it? I LOVE the people. I would do anything for them. It's really sad, but I like most of them better then some of my real life friends. SOME, not all. I know people think thats stupid, but it's true. Have I ever canceled an irl thing just to hang out with my Roblox friends? Yes, don't judge. I feel much closer to them then my irl ones. ((SOME not all))You see, my friends from Roblox ARE real people. THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE. THEY ARE ACTUALLY MY REAL FRIENDS. People need to realize this. Im actually not wasting my day on the computer "gaming". No, im spending time with my actual friends. They are REAL. The computer is the only way of hanging out with them though, and that is what I do. I am not someone who "games all day." We all know those people, no shadeee. I have my life together (I think.) I don't like to raid or go to trainings anymore. I don't prefer them, I don't like them. They are kind of a waste of time, it's the same thing over and over. Unless you do it to hang out with friends, it kind of is to me. I probably wasted my 8th grade on Roblox with stupid HR in a stupid group. I don't even care rn. It's over and I moved on. I probably wouldn't even be writing this, but it's the night not really because it's 6:51 AM now and I'm in a car and I took a 2 hr nap and im not tired. I probably have all of this jumbled up in me and I need to let it go and let it out or I would not be able to move on. I've been writing a lot, dang lol. Im not depressed love, Im just sad. Kind of. I really shouldn't be. Im on a road trip with my family. To South Carolina. Where laney lives. Oops. Hmm.. today is the 27th of December lol. The 27th of November Ethan and I dated. This would of been our one month. Crying but it's whatever. He probably doesn't even know lol. It's fine. It's fine. It's almost news years. I don't know if I want to quit or not. I need to quit. I don't want to quit. I need advice. Im a mess, but not really. I just hate having this feeling like I'm being punched in the gut. I do not know what this is and I hate it. I always feel it whenever I miss something and idk what it is. When I look at old memories I get this feeling. I do not enjoy it or like it. I feel like I'm going to loose friends if I quit roblox. I probably will be more distant and they will too. I need help. I have a lot more to say but I'm kind of tired now. It is 7:04 AM.