Notes

2 years ago I met someone online that I spoke to nearly everyday. Even though I can't quite apply the word 'love' here, I can say that I cared deeply for this person. We had deep conversations, I enjoyed talking to him a lot, and I believe he did too. With the course of such conversations, I begun seeing him as more than a friend, I think it is fair to say that I had a crush on him. I believe he did too. So he started saying extremely romantic and lovely things to me. I consider myself a sensitive person, so those words really meant a lot to me, as that was the first time I was getting them. I felt truly fulfilled. I dare to say he managed to touch my very soul with mere words. However, we had a few misunderstandings and what we felt for each other started vanishing. By that time, I hated myself and wished nothing but harm to myself - my relationships with friends weren't the same, I was worried about the future all the time, I felt my life had no purpose whatsoever, all kinds of negative thoughts entered my mind. These thoughts stayed by me for a few months, specially as that person I had spoken to was starting to mistreat me. I had to let him go.

Getting back on my feet, wanting to make something good out of my life, having good relationships with others, myself and the world in general took a while, but now I can honestly say that I managed to fix all those things. However, when I look back, I feel like a part of me got lost along the way, as if i had had something back then that I no longer have. Maybe it's because I haven't had any romantic relationship since that little experience, but I don't know. I mean, I know it doesn't have to do with the person, as we talked to each other and managed to solve things. I also want to find someone for my life - so I know that person didn't change my views on finding love. I can still appreciate beauty and all other things. But I don't know. I feel like that part of me is gone. If to make way for better things, I do not know. But I definetely feel something is lost when I look back to those times.

I would also like to add that I am a joyful person, as I enjoy my life a lot and everything I try to do on it. I also have a great tendence to overreact, so maybe this is that. I was hoping you could help me sort this feeling out. Thank you.