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Di plot ini, tidak ada yang perlu dikoreksi, tetapi saya mau memberikan saran. Daripada kata [kantung] akan lebih tepat bila menggunakan kata [kantong] (http://kbbi.web.id/kantong). Itu saja. Secara keseluruhan, saya pribadi menyukai caramu bernarasi. Tidak perlu memakai kata-kata yang membuat saya harus bolak-balik KBBI, sederhana, tetapi menarik dan hidup.
Satu yang membuat saya heran, apa seorang Hosoo Hakumei selalu berbicara dengan lantang? Hahahaha.
Tingkatkan lagi! Dan selamat menikmati perkemahan musim dingin di Teiko.
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