Notes

There's a whole entire different part of the story on why I couldn't see you for 30 days it's embarrassing to talk about but its better that you know there's a major reason.

Basically I suffer from pied & low libido/high dopamine & death grip. That's all from (porn)pied is porn induced erectile dysfunction meaning no matter what you do or no matter how good you are a erection cannot be kept because porn is the only thing that can keep me up. Death grip is a issue when your manhood because desensitized meaning little to no stimulation feeling unless there is a killer rapid grip/motion on it. Having high dopamine fogs the mind and causes little to no sex drive and it causes laziness actually/sleep.

This issue has been a problem since teen years because I was basically introduced to that stuff because the internet was at its peak high speed internet just came out and it was just there never thought it did anything damaging to me but I was wrong. I've avoided you for the past few weeks to benefit you/us. In order for me to overcome this ordeal is to avoid temptations and every time I'm around you I'm tempted. But if it actually would've went down it would've had you questioning if you did something wrong. Since Dec 31st I've eliminated everything. I've been clean for 21 days now my hormones are up and down feels like I'm going thru puberty again. To rewire your brain from porn usually takes 90 days for heavy users I'm trying out 30 days because I never considered myself a heavy user but regardless if I hadn't done this we wouldn't have worked out in the long run. This crap would've just pushed me into depression because I couldn't give you a honest answer. Now let me tell you what I've noticed over the past 3 weeks of abstaining from porn. I have like 300x more energy I can sleep for 4 hours and be straight now, I think more clearer,I kinda don't have a filter over my mouth now because I really don't care what people think about me now. Anxiety is practically gone and my facial hair keeps growing like damn grass. Right now I'm currently in a flatline state of the recovery meaning I feel shit because my brain is trying everything to tempt me to go back to the old habits. If you noticed I deleted IG & FB around DEC 31st too. You've became my motivation to better myself. I wanted to tell you but honestly its a subject I hate talking about.