Notes

We were talking about David's puppy not getting sick in the cold.

David: It would indeed. Fortunately he never seems to get sick. Not sure why, given the amount of inbreeding that no doubt exists in his ancestry, but lucky for him!
Me: I'm glad he doesn't, and yeah maybe he just got the good genes.
David: Well not all of them - he's not the brightest bulb in the drawer, haha.
Me: He doesn't have to be with that amount of cuteness.
David: "You don't have to be smart if you're cute"? You sound like the "Popular Girl" in every American High School drama, haha.
(He had to go work)

Later at night I try to express how I feel to him:
Hey I was really bothered by your joke earlier.

TheArcadean-Today at 8:19 PM
Which one this time?

miffy-Today at 8:20 PM
Is it really that much of a bother to you when I push myself out of passiveness and try to communicate to you about what bothers me?

TheArcadean-Today at 8:24 PM
No, it bothers me when you continually take jokes as personal affronts. They're jokes, obvoously not intended to be taken seriously or as slights upon your character.

miffy-Today at 8:28 PM
Would it hurt to reassure me?

TheArcadean-Today at 8:35 PM
If I have to worry every time I make a joke that it's going to lead into this conversation then yes, it would hurt. I make jokes. I find unintended patterns to be humorous. Like most people. I don't want to have to constantly worry that you're going to decide to take the silly things I say seriously.

miffy-Today at 8:42 PM
You always speak so ill of Americans and so easily made a comparison to me. It wasn't a light joke. I don't compare you to anything I speak ill of. I always say nice things about your thoughts and ideas. It could be a light joke to you, but I am definitely more sensitive than you are, and you know that.

TheArcadean-Today at 8:50 PM
I said, and I quote "American High School drama". As in TV show/movie. As in a fictional construct. The "hot so doesn't try hard in school" popular girl is a stereotype in American high school dramas. That's not me being negative towards Americans, it is literally an acknowledged media trope. I said that your sentence sounds like what these fictional TV/movie stereotypes say - but obviously in a different context that totally changes its meaning.

Taking offense to that is like me saying "Oh, I could sell <whatever> and earn a million dollars!" and then a friend doing the "Dr. Evil" face and saying "one miiiiiilion dollars!" I don't literally think he's comparing me to Dr. Evil - it's just a mildly amusing accidental similarity.

miffy-Today at 9:00 PM
You do generally speak ill of Americans, and you're explaining this as if everyone has/should have the same perspective/interpretation of the situation as you do. I wasn't really trying to attack you. I was just trying to express how I feel and get reassured that it wasn't meant to be disrespectful. This is how I cope with situations that bother me. I talk about them. I don't ask you to change. You don't have to put in the effort to filter your jokes, but you owe me a reassurance when it bothers me and I try to communicate to you about it.

TheArcadean-Today at 9:16 PM
I speak ill of American politics and exceptionalism; as for the people, I've always found them very pleasant when taken individually. And I'm explaining how the vast majority of the world shares this basic understanding of how jokes work - I don't "owe" you reassurance because you over-react to something. What I "owe" you is to point out the over-reaction in the hopes that you'll recognize it as being both an unusual and a harmful reaction and take steps to improve. It does nobody any good for me to indulge in your unnessecary hyper-sensitivity - it only encourages the same reaction in the future.