Notes

Scout Hitches a Ride

x At Red Base x

Scout: *IS SALTY AF**CURLED UP IN CORNER* LIFE IS SO UNFAIR. ALL THE HOT BITCHES WON'T HMU.

Pyro: *SHARES ROOM WITH SCOUT**YEAH, ITS NOT VERY GOOD-

FOR SCOUT ANYWAY*

*COOT SMILE*

Aw, what's wrong?

Scout: *ANGERY GLARE* ARE YOU DEAF? I JUST SAID.

Pyro: *LOOKING IN MIRROR, APPLYING MASCARA**UNDER BREATH* Maybe that's why the pretty ladies don't talk to you.

Scout: *SQUINTY EYES* YOU WANNA GO?

Pyro: *PULLS UP PINK BRA STRAP* No thanks, I have to go to work.

Have a good day though, *HAPPY GRIN* SCOUTY PIE

*SKIPS OFF*

Scout: THAT MF >:(

ANYWAY, I NEED A BITCH FOR VALENTINE'S DAY. I CAN'T ANTAGONIZE SPY FOR HAVING NO WOMEN IF I DON'T HAVE ONE.

Engie: *POKES HEAD INTO ROOM*

JESUS CHRIST

BROTHER

STOP SCREAMING.

*MEDIC SCREECHES IN THE BACKGROUND*

Scout: FUCK YOU, I DO WHAT I WANT

*HOPS ON BED AND JUMPS UP AND DOWN*

Engie: Scout

No, NOT AGAIN.

WE HAVE HAD THIS CONVERSATION TWICE BEFORE.

REMEMBER? NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED!

Scout: *ON FLOOR, CRYING* I'M DYING MAN.

Engie: *FACEPALM*

xxx

x AT DR DANGER'S """"""Lab"""""" x

Scout: HOW MANY BONES HAVE I BROKEN?

HOW WILL I ACHIEVE BASE TWO AT THIS RATE.

I'LL BE A CRIPPLE LIKE DEMO.

Medic: *LAUGHS*

Oh Scout, Demo isn't a cripple.

He's just retarded :)

NOW STOP SCREAMING, I WILL PUT YOU IN A MORPHINE INDUCED COMA.

*BRANDISHES BIG ASS NEEDLE THAT IS ILLEGAL*

Scout: *FLINCHES*

Medic: *GLARE*

Archimedes: *FLIES AROUND MEDIC'S HEAD* COO COO MOTHERFUCKER

WHERE IS MY BIRD SEED?

Medic: *SHOOS HIM* ARCHI PLS, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A VERY IMPORTANT PROCEDURE.

Archimedes: LOL LIKE I CARE

COO FOOD COO COO FOOOOOOOOOOD *FLAPPY WINGS RAPIDLY* OVO COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Medic: *LOOKS AT HEROIN NEEDLES*

(IN HIS MIND: SOMEDAY

BUT NOT TODAY

...

AT THIS MOMENT)

Scout: I DON'T LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. WHY CAN I READ YOUR THOUGHTS AND WHY DOES THAT BIRD SPEAK ENGLISH? *COWERS* I DON'T FEEL SAFE.

Medic: THAT'S THE POINT. NOW SHUT UP- *STABS HIM WITH S C A L P E L B) B)*

xxx

x At Demo and Sniper's Hut x

Demo: *DIGGING THOUGH UNDERWEAR DRAWER*

SNIPES

WHERE IS MY SUPER SUIT?

Sniper: *IN OTHER ROOM, SPUTTERS IN DISBELIEF*

YOUR WHAT?

ARE YOU BLOODY INSANE?

I TOLD YOU TO STOP SNORTING THAT SHIT.

Demo: *ANGERY SIGH*

MY SUPER SUIT, WOMAN

Sniper: *STORMS IN*

DEMO

LISTEN

*SIGH*

You're not a superhero, you're just a pitiful alcoholic. THERE IS NO "SUPER SUIT"-

Demo: FUCK YOU, YOU SMASH WITH KANGAROOS.

Sniper: B(

Demo: *GRABS HIM AND STARTS CRYING MIDST DRUNKEN BABBLING* I LOVE YOU MAN.

Sniper: B(

Aight-

Demo: CAN I PLEASE HAVE BREAKFAST?

Sniper: It's eight in the dead of night.

WHY THE HELL NOT?

COME ON, JUST SIT YOUR DUMBASS AT THE DINNER TABLE.

xxx

x At the Vanilla Unicorn x

Pyro: *TOTALLY DOING A CUTE LIL DANCE*

YAY ALL THE FLUFFY BLUE BUNNIES ARE THROWING CANDY AT ME-

WAIT

WAT

BLUE?

BLU?

*PULLS OUT TINY FLAMETHROWER FROM PURSE*

MY MORTAL ENEMIES.

I MUST SHOWER YOU IN BUBBLES AND RAINBOWS

*SETS FIRE TO EVERYONE*

AND MAKE YOU MY FREN OWO

xxx

x WIT DA HOME SCOUT x

Scout: *HAS ARM CAST* B( DOC

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

HOW WILL I GET BITCHES IN THIS CONDITION?

Medic: It's simple-

YOU WON'T.

YOU'LL SUFFER LIKE THE REST OF US

HAHAHA

Archimedes: *PECKING BIRD SEED* THE FUCK YOU MEAN, "REST OF US"

Medic: *HOLDS UP HAND* NOT NOW

Archimedes: BOY I LAND ON YA HEAD IF YOU EVER DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT AGAIN- >: >

Scout: yo

THIS IS WEIRD AS HELL, I'M OUT

*FAST SPRINT AT INCREDIBLE HIGH SPEED*

Heavy: *WALKS IN HOLDING HIS OWN DECAPITATED HEAD* DOKTOR,

I NEE-

Medic: *UGLY SOBBING* YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW ME ARCHI

Archimedes: *FLUFFS UP AGGRESSIVELY**INCOHERENT COOING*

Medic: YOU TAKE THAT BACK YOU AVIAN BASTARD *THROWS BUCKET OF BLOOD, SPLATTERING THE WALLS AND SOLDIER'S NAPPING BODY IN THE CORNER*

Heavy: UM

I SEE YOU'RE BUSY. I'LL JUST BE OUT HERE.

ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BASE

xxx

x AT MERASMUS'S CASTLE x

Merasmus: *KNITTING SWEATER, GRUMBLING*

Soldier Clone: *WALKS IN*

HELLO MERASMUS

I AM COLD

ARE THE SWEATERS READY?

MERA: DO THEY LOOK READY? *USHERS TO UNFINISHED PILE OF SWEATERS*

Soldier Clone: SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR HUSTLE.

I'M GOING BACK TO THE KITCHEN NOW.

*WALKS OFF*

MERA: *CONTINUES KNITTING*

this nightmare never ends, it j-

Soldier Clone 2: *JUMPS OUT FROM BEHIND CHAIR* HELLO MERASMUS

MERA: *SCREAMS*

Soldier Clone 2- I AM COLD.

ARE THE SWEATERS READY?

MERA:

(IN THE ARMS OF THE ANGELLLLLLLLL, FLY AWAY WITH MEEEEEEEEEEE)