Notes

I figured i could say this better on here...But i don't know where this relationship is going. I want to be with you and marry you. However, Every day i am with you i feel like everything you do is forced, and that everything i do annoys you., I fell like everything i say makes you think i'm judging you. Any time i say anything it bothers you. I watch you talking to your friends, it makes you uncomfortable, I fell like when you say i love you, or cuddle it is all forced and that really you are uncomfortable. I fell like really, you only spend time with me because i push it, But all you really want to do is spend time with your friends. I see it in your eyes when i mention him. you know who. You regret everything you did and you regret taking me back. It hurts me when you have to hide that your talking to you friends when i'm around, It hurts me when you tell them you love them, It hurts knowing that you really only want to spend time with them. I should have let things be and not opened up to you that night. I should have let you go, let you move on with your life even though i thought it was wrong. But i felt if i didn't open up to you i would have never been able to move on and i didn't know you would take me back after i did.
But now seeing as how you force yourself to even be around me hurts, and i wonder if i should even try anymore. Knowing that all you want to do is talk to him hurts and i don't know if i can even take anymore. I know i will never be good enough for you. And knowing you are more comfortable talking to people you barely know online then your own (boyfriend) hurts. I have tried to be happy, Tried to move on, Tried to show you i love you, Tried to show i want to marry you. But like i said, i think you force yourself, And seeing you tell Saba you love him, Friends or not hurts, And i feel like you care about him more them then me, And eventually it will turn into another problem. I don't know what to do, All i know is i am losing you and have no way to win....

just know i love you.