Notes

We all need someone to hate and we are running out of options. If you hate Jews you are labeled a Nazi. Hating African Americans could make you look like a member of the Ku Klux Klan. Hating Hispanics makes you seem racist and uncultured. Nope, those ships have sailed; sorry, you missed your chance. The new bandwagon of basher's choice is gay hate.

Why should we all hate gays? Well, because it will make the world a better place, of course! Without gay hate our personal lives would crumble, our families would fall apart, our churches would be in ruin, and even our government would fail.

Personally, hating gays saved my life. Before I found gay hate, I was a diabetic smoker struggling financially and living alone. After I started hating the gays, church socials and anti-gay protest groups took up so much of my time that I quit my job and foreclosed my house. I moved into a homeless shelter and turned everyone there into gay haters as well. Now I'm never alone; we're like one big hateful family! Best of all, hating gays keeps me so busy I don't even have time to worry about my growing list of health problems. It's like they don't even exist!

Hating gays can also save your marriage. Did you know that if you are considering divorce that fighting to keep gays from getting married can save your relationship? It's true, so join an organization like NOM today and stop fighting against your spouse; start fighting with them. When you successfully crush the hopes and dreams of getting married that millions of gays have, it won't matter anymore that your husband sleeps with cheap hookers and gave you AIDS. You will be proud that this is a privilege that only you have. Congratulations, you're part of the elite majority!

Churches rely on your support in gay hate. In these hard times, many churches have felt the pinch in their pockets and they need strong, emotional causes to fire you up so you'll open up. If they didn't have the gays to focus on then churches would have to start trying to solve real problems like sickness and murder. Then the congregation would realize talking to a supernatural deity that hangs around in space can't really solve all their problems and their purses would be closed for good. So hate the gays and empty your wallets!

Without gay hate our government wouldn't know what to do. If our Representatives and Senators couldn't waste their time fighting over the least unconstitutional ways to deny the gays their civil liberties then they would have to focus on our real issues. Without spending billions of tax dollars on homophobic legislation, they might have enough money to end the recession and fix our National debt, but nobody wants that! They certainly don't because if we didn't have so many problems they wouldn't have jobs. So call up your local congressman (or woman, no prejudices here) and tell them you hate gays. Let them know that gay children should be bullied in school and gay adults shouldn't have jobs.

The world would be a better place if we all hated the gays. We wouldn't have time to worry about Iraq if we were too busy fighting amongst ourselves. You wouldn't have to feel bad about eating 1,000 calorie french fries if you knew you were supporting Chick-fil-A's anti-gay agenda. Gay hate saved my life, it saved my mother's marriage, it's working hard for the church, and the government loves it. Even the gays should hate gays! Everyone is doing it, and you should too!