Notes

So rewind to 2014. I am buoy , 3 years into my job working with Nvidia. Decent earning, busy with games and watching sitcoms, sexting with random online people. That was pretty much my life. Occasionally, I would go out for dinner with my mates. All my college life I have had male friends as our college (iiit Hyd) had only few girls. Bottom line, I was with my guy friends ka group for like 7 years. I always adored this girl named Sasha from my school time, but she went to the US and came back as a pilot. She got unemployed as she was in Kingfisher and we started texting..We texted so much that we forgot that phone call is also a thing..Then one day when we met, it was a disaster due to many reasons. She didn't replied as well as we used to before and it kind of died. I also got intimidated by her salary and life style and it felt apart. Like I took it on my ego as well as to why she ain't replying and what not. Anyway, Daft Punk made me somehow survive through it. I joined Shiamak to pursue my passion for dance and it was all going stagnant but I kind of was okay with it.

Then one day my parents told me to meet this girl with the bahana of helping her out or something. I was like playing my game and socha ki why. Then they sent me her pic and I felt something. I went to meet her and it was magic. We sat there for like 4 hours straight talking shit. And then she told me that this was for marriage. Like I was the third guy she had met and she wants to discuss all of that.. So she steered the convo and asked some serious questions and what not. Two days later her whole family (from Singapore US and Jammu) came to see me and she told me that she wants to marry and asked me of my opinion. So basically it was a yes from her side and I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to lose her and she was hellbent on marrying in next 4 months..So basically we did marry..in December 2014..I had just turned 26 then. There were some issues in marriage formalities between her parents and mine. My parents ke gharon mein ladki vaala dono function karta raha and that was the parampara. No dowry and shit but tha old thought of the girls side being the host which made her started hate my parents. She hated that but she told Me that she loved me enough to take the leap. But the seeds had been sown.

We had a lovely house in Hyderabad. We were cute little babies and always had fun but we were just a young couple who had the best of fun but always fought when it came to important decisions. I made many mistakes , like I wasn't husband-like. I couldn't make decsions and she wanted me to agree to the fact that my parents made mistakes and that they were wrong. I couldn't as I wasn't involved with pre marriage talks between families and that was another mistake of mine. I was a buoy and probably not a man. That surely made her lose respect.

But that didn't deter us having fun together. We went on trips to Bali, Singapore, Maldives and kahaan khaaan. She loved travelling..and we did.. But we kept on fighting side by side..both of us were alike. No one would back out. We would argue all the time.. but would kiss and make up later..

This went on for 2 years..But it had taken a toll on our sexual life as well. We kind of lost interest. We would be a couple who would talk random shit and never get bored and would hug and sleep. I frankly got lazy about ensuring that our sex life kept going. But the fights man. My mind couldn't handle it.

Then we started to work towards our goals. I wanted to change my domain. I got a job in Noida at Adobe and once again I made another mistake of mine. I fucking got lazy after getting a fat offer and I didn't even study well for other jobs in ahyd..Umang had been doing wonders at Microsoft with Bing so I couldn't ask her to move. But that was the worst mistake of my life.

I moved to Noida and we started fighting more. There were no major reasons. We were so immature and kids ...We took meeting regularly lightly. And the fights started to take a toll on her. I should've left my job right there and left it all to go back to her. But I didn't. Her face started to become pichkoo cause of crying ..

Anwyay, after every fight she would say that we should separate. This ain't working. For me she was everything. My first love..my first in everything. I had no girl in my life with whom I had fell in love with until her.

Anyway, the fights spiralld out of control and the my parents thought that they have to get their son out of this abusive relationship where Umang kept hating on his family and him and the relationship..(which was right ..Umang used to abuse me and my parents a lot )..

So my parents involved my mamaji into this as a counsellor. Which was another misayke. Umang's side family and her itself had thought of this as the end so turned aggressive as she wanted to take some sort of revengue for marriage. So they started accusing me of typical stuff like harassing, impotency, fraudster etc. And that's when I couldn't recover from those words. They wanted money to get mutually divorced. Umang contacted me to see a proper counsellor but I couldn't recovee from the sounds of her accusations..She kept talking to me. But I resented her as she could never accept her mistakes. That was another mistake of mine. I couldn't recover from the layers or crap to rekindle my love. Everutlaly she gave up and since both families didn't want to go to file for contested divorce after some heated discussions, a deal was made where she would keep all our stuff and I would pay her 25l.

We signed on 6 April 2017 as she gave up after I couldn't make a decision ..I just wanted to talk normally and delay this decision making n..I was so stupid. I just should've said "Yes..Lets see a counsellor or try to work it out "...But her words had pinches me and I wanted to hear a sorry which I didn't so I couldn't make a decision. I wanted time ..I wanted to start to love talking to her which I had forgotten.. But she has always been a woman of deadlines and she gave up and forced me to sign. She gave me no choice as she told me her family would file cases then and I didn't have courage to fight. The court gave us 7 months to reconsider. I was miserable and so was she.

But we thought this is it. So we stopped talking for 1-2 months. But then I realized she's my life. I can't do anything withiut her.. I tried contacting her but she didn't reply well..she didn't want to talk. It was September now. I cried almost every day. It was so tough I couldn't even explain. But in September I started Tinder. I met this girl with whom I had a fun two dates..And then we got succumbed to the flow and the hormones took control . But it was just a fling. I couldn't see her anymore as she wanted more and I couldn't commit and I realized Umang I what I want. I went to hyd to meet my friends and contacted her. Surprisingly she really wanted to meet.

We spent a night together and that's when I realized (after entering our home) that this is my life. I left telling her and begging her that we should get back together. But she was way ahead..So for three months I begged and she didn't even want to meet.

On 7th November when I went alone to seal the deal ( I didn't want my parents to be there as she hated them and I wanted her to be comfy)..she told me that she had dated a guy named Sumit ( her old vrush) just 10 days after we signed in April. And he didn't want to marry her after all the sleeping around so she was broken and had given up on her feelings and that is why she couldn't say yes when I came back to her in September. Then a week later than 7th Nov she told me that she's marrying a guy...

And around 20 days later she told me the date of her marriage ( march 18 something) and 3 days ago she told me to complete some.papereork and how she doesn't know the real reason why we messed it up and it's sad but she's moved on and like this new guy a lot.

So ultimately To summarize. I got divorced on 6th November. And all I can think of is my mistakes and all the things I shouldve done at various points of life. I lost her due to so many of my mistakes and flaws in my personality..If I was the color of the relationship , she was my pole my best friend and I lost her due to my immaturity and stupidity

I mean if we hadn't had so many lovely memories and moments and videos and pics captured, it would have been easy.
If I had cheated or I was an alcoholic or I had some disease or if I was a wife beater or something...or if she had some crazy nature or something..it would be easy to get over. But now all I think of is my mistakes my family's mistakes. I curse myself everyday. I had given it all man. But I couldn't be a man and stand up and get over some crappy words and realize that in the course I would be losing a part of me.and now I can't feel nothing else but sadness and I am running away form the world and all.