Notes

I feel the need to tell you this. It was a really bizarre conversation we had tonight. I'm unsure at this minute quite how I feel about another girl meeting you at work and telling you she essentially loves for you. It could be because I used to be the one to come meet you at work, but when I think about it, that's not it because I am really not fussed about another girl coming to meet you at work. What gets me about it is I have known you 18 months, it's not too long a time frame I guess, but long enough that I should know more about you than I do. When I think about it I actually know very very little about you or your life. I don't know what you spend your day doing or who you spend your time with. You said this girl means a lot to you and you are close but I've never really heard her mentioned. I've never really heard anyone mentioned other than Ryan. Since I have known you, your phone has buzzed constantly and I wouldn't be able to even give it a guess who it could be.
I am unsure what the point was in you telling me the girl loves you. I guess what I got from it is that other people do love you. Emilia clearly still does and this other girl does too based on what you said. The last 2 times I have seen you, you've mentioned another girl caring for you. Given our history, the fact that you and I still talk and see each other and you always want cuddles, kisses and more but feel it's okay to mention that other girls love you, is wierd. I don't know what your thinking behind that is because you seemed unsure about how you felt about her based on my observations.
Maybe you said those things to let me know that you aren't a tosser all the time because other people care, or maybe you just think its alright to bring those things up in front of me because you and I aren't together and are doing our own thing. Howevs, because we still hook up and we still care, whether you want to admit it or not, it was a bizarre thing to hear. You and I are leading our own lives; I don't know what you do and you don't know what I do however somewhere in that you and I will crop up in the others life. I can't begin to make sense of why that is and I don't even want to try and make sense of it anymore either. I'm done with bullshit games. I know what I think and feel however I don't think you do so I made the decision a while back to just carry on doing my own thing regardless because I'm not waiting around for anyone.
Anyway, what i am saying is this, you said to this girl that it wouldnt work because she is moving back to England. If that is the only thing holding you back, maybe you should give the girl a chance. I can tell she means a lot to you and you have a lot of time for her, something that fluctuates with me. Maybe take what effort you make with me and put that energy in to someone you have more time for like this girl.
These random, sporadic meet ups are beyond my comprehension and the unpredictability of it all is something I really don't have time for. However, if you can reply to this girl and suggest she meet you (something you haven't suggested to me in a long while) then maybe its because she means more to you than you think she does or are willing to admit. That, or I'm not meaning as much to you as I used to. Either way, you may want to give thought to both of those eventualities :)
I could have interpreted the situation wrong. All I'm saying is, if you like the girl, go for it. It was uncomfortable for me to hear but thats to be expected. The idea of you being with a good girl who you care about actually makes me smile. I just want you to be super happy. Not that you need my permission Tommy, but really, I think you care for this girl more than you did me so maybe she is the good girl you've been looking for? I know when you meet the right girl you will be the guy I know you can be and you will be an amazing boyfriend. I just wasn't that girl. I won't always be in your life because I don't want to keep going on like we are. I know you can tell that you're losing me. Maybe now is the time to meet someone else as you and I drift apart like we are already doing. If you treat this girl better than you did me, it's for a reason. You said it yourself, she's an angel.

Who thought after all the tears and heartache that we would be at this point? :)

SB xx