Notes

Its been almost 2 years since we last talked and you have never failed to cross my mind. as i sit here writing this in tears i think about how much courage i need to write this. I havent said anything to you in 2 years and I havent seen you since about a year ago.. I am so sorry for everything. Im sorry for wasting your time, Im sorry for the late night texts, calls, arguments, everything. I know it was my fault. I know that I am so full of myself and yes, selfish.. I guess I just wasn't ready, I wasn't ready for what was going to happen next and at the time i wasn't even ready for what was happening.. I just want you to know that I honestly never meant to just leave like that. I honestly thought there was something and I am so sorry for just upfront blocking you from everything and from my life.. I just felt as if I couldnt take anything, talks with my parents and the guilt.. I just couldnt.. I couldnt lie to them and carry on like that.. Im sorry for pulling you in so close and out of nowhere suddenly pushing you so far away that we couldnt communicate again.. man I replay that night all over almost every night in my head.. The night i left you.. I could never get over it, in tears .. trust me i was never lying i just couldnt hide things from my parents because i have so much love and respect for them plus I was never ready, how could i have been ready.. you were my first but not officially my first. Im so sorry for blaming everything on you, i know it was my fault aswell for giving you my number in the first place.. but flip man i told you we shoulda just talked on my mates page but no.. gosh but anyways man how could I.. man i feel so stupid for thinking i could trust you.. I put so much trust in you telling you so much not realising that i wasnt the only one.. i wouldve never been the only one.. but still its my fault for not focusing on the more important person and that is JC .. man i am so sorry but i feel i need to say all of this.. It started at the gym but i met your brother cos we were in the same team, idk if he had a crush on me or anything but na i was like hmm na.. idek what i was thinking but i feel as if i led him on which is probably the most stupidest thing ever!! man then at the end talking to both of yous and gosh idek why i did that. putting myself into trouble zzz pmo. then i messaged you my mates page and it all started there for us zz .. i felt comfortable cos i knew my mate but i knew you didnt cos it was a guy lmao but he was like boys.. anyways we kept talking and you were so awks you just couldnt help but ask for my number ay lmao na ske. but foreal so you did and i said no talk on here cos tbh i didnt really trust you anyways i ended up giving it and idk it was different.. true colours ay.. just the thought of you telling me what to and what not to do just didnt do it for me ay, it was a buzzkill and trust me if girls are angry and they tell their girls thats another story.. i dont think you know how much my girls wanted to kill you at times but they were patient and happy for me because they knew i was finally happy. but then i called and like it was like a relationship but NO it wasnt zz. you would talk like 'skux' and id just talk like my normal self cos idgaf but man why DID YOU COME INTO MY LIFE FAR MAN.. SCARS in my heart.. Just the arguments over little things and how you would get angry at me and not text till the morning cos i never called you when you wanted but man.. it was so obvious that we DONT BELONG TOGETHA BAHAHAHA. on the reals tho all these signs and i still chose to be with you BAHAHA but like fr I cant believe it man. waste of a month or whatever talking to your ass and crying and whatnot cos of.. nvm.. but yea then i messaged you one night saying i didnt wanna talk to you ever again and i told you not to text me ever again.. i could never ever forget that night the night that broke my heart forever.. BUT FLIP HONESTLY SO MANY SIGNS. bad influence for reals idk if you were changing for the better but i know for sure i changed for the worse.. and since then i have never been fully committed to the one and only.. and i hate this feeling. hate is such a strong worrd but its the way i feel about this.. man the longest sittory and i think somewhere int here i mustve said i miss you unless i deleted it and i hope i did because no now i know wazzguuudddd man TYJ love you tho bro BAHAHAHA.