Notes

Insults:
Someday, you’ll go far. And I really hope you stay there.
You’re the reason why the middle finger was created.
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
Your face makes onions cry.
Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.
I’m not insulting you; I’m describing you.
You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
I’m not a nerd. I’m just smarter than you.
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
I forgot that the world revolves around you. My apologies; how silly of me.
Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you?
You are proof God has a sense of humour.
If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
You must have been born on a highway. That’s where most accidents happen.
Grab a straw, because you suck.
I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.
I told my therapist about you.
I believed in evolution until I met you.
You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
I look ugly? Good. I was trying to look like you today.
You’re a conversation starter. Not when you are around, but once you leave.
I find the fact that you’ve lived this long both surprising and disappointing.
If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around.
Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.
Were you born this stupid, or did you take lessons?
You should really come with a warning label.
What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.
Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.
Don’t hate me, because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
Don't try to talk about things you don’t understand.
You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.
The earth is full. Go home.
The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana.
Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
You’re living proof it’s possible to live without a brain.