Notes

Im so happy that I found Everett. I am so happy that this world has let me become friends with him. I am most happy that i dont love him anymore than a best friend. i tend to struggle with liking the people i become friends with that are guys. i love that i dont have any romantic feelings for him that makes me so comfortable with him. saying that i love that i dont have romantic feelings for him sounds kind of bad but its so good and im so happy that i don't feel that way about him. i love him so much and i am so happy that he is my best friend. i can connect with him on such a deep level its insane. i tell him everything that happens to me. i want to say he puts effort into telling me things but i feel like his emotions are so strong and i feel like it's really hard for him and he would rather not say anything at all. As much as i try to get him to talk to me and open up about things, its really hard to get him to do that but its completely okay. i wish he knew how much i cared about him and that i dont think ive ever gotten this close with someone this fast. i stay up sometimes thinking about him and his mental health. he really scares me genuinly. it scares me how different he is in person than over text. sometimes in person i can tell somethings bothering him but it's never as bad as some of the conversations we've had together over text. He is such a fun person to be around. I find myself having the most fun with him. Throwing stuff in target or smelling the same 5 scents in the mall 109 times each or litterally watching mean girls or sometimes just sitting in my room doing nothing at all. He means so much to me. its upsetting that he is the reason sylvia and i stopped being friends and partially the reason for kayla too. natalia hates him but thats just because i give him more attention than her in study hall or at lunch. i dont really give a fuck if addy doesnt like him, he doesnt like her so i litterally dont care. oh another good thing is that we hate the same people. we literally just hate everyone besides dylin. I love that we always have a conversation going on, there is never a start or end, a hi hello or good morning goodnight. i just always am looking at my phone to see if he texted me because i enjoy talking to him so much. i go to sleep after he stops texting for the night to make sure that he has gone to sleep becuase i really dont like the thought of him being awake and not talking to me. he's told me that i make him happy and talking to me makes him happy so as long as i am awake ill be tlaking to him. we always have something to talk about and the only times were not talking is if one of us are sleeping or if he has hockey. he hates hockey so much is literally mentally drains him. that is a reason he is upset a lot. it annoys me that my parents think he and i are dating and that i cant have friends who are guys. its annoying but whatever. going back, i get so sad when everett is sad or being dry because i know that somethings bothering me and he refuses to say anything. sometimes he says sassy or mean things like when i told him that his dryness was making me sad and that he wasnt being fun to talk to he just said "then stop talking to me". or when i try to talk to him he just tells me to stop. i try to be really uplifting and happy sround him but sometimes it is hard. the day after he opened up to me fully, we hung out. we went to my house and then dunkin. in dunkin we sat there for maybe an hour or and hour and a half and we said nothingto eachother. in that moment i was piecing together that kayla was going to drop me soon and i couldnt even talk to him about it because i didnt think he wanted to talk and especialy about any of my problems. he also is nothing like he usually is when we're with other people. like even just dylin like he gets so quiet and just watches tiktoks or listens to music. when its just the two of us i guess hes compelled to actually pay attention to me or something but its just nothing like we are usually when were in a bigger group of people. however i will say on new years it was really fun because we were just talking to eachother the whole night and id say we had a good time. he is an amazing person and despite our sad times, he does make me really happy and hes so fun to be around.