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....How could someone possibly love me....
All I ever do is mess things up,I never seem to do anything right.My whole life just seems to be messed up.
First of all.....do i even have a family?
My mom.....what can I say about her.....Someone who always lies....someone whole always cheats out of everything,she would cheat on life if she could,she doesnt realize it BUT SHE IS TEARING THIS FAMILY APART!!!!!!!She got on displine from church so she could fix herself up,bit all she is doing is getting worse.....smoking.....drinking....WHEN WILL IT STOP. and what is between her and my pastor....i swear they have a love affair or something going on.....
My dad.....I have nothing to say about him...hes just a man who always is angry at everything....i dont even think of him as a father tbh,because all we ever do is fight...i never seem to be able to get away from all the fighting...its pretty much what my life is built up on...i foundation of fighting and playing it off like i have nothing wrong....learn to hide....learn to lie....learn to cause....learned.....taught...for what???
What is all of this for???
My sister Rebecca....A lier...a hider...investigator....sometimes i feel bad for her,but then is it wierd that im always mad at her
Then the youngest....my little sister Raquel,I fell like i dont know her...who are her best friends....who does she like...what she does for life.....Am i a bad person???
UGH,I DONT EVEN KNOW MY OWN SISTER,WHAT IS LIFE.....ugh,life sucks....i thought i could get away from it for a while but it always seems to come back and just punch me right back in the face.....
I found the one person in my life who always make me feel happy....I LOVE HIM,he is my everything...no one understands how i feel...His name is Elijah Vertefeuille....the love of my life
But now...i have been with him for a while and have been having the best time of my life with him...
until i realized how much i dont pay attention anymore....everyone left me...im all alone..i only have him
my best friend left me....the only person i would ever talk to about EVERYTHING.....and now who do i have...besides Elijah
Do i have anyone anymore
I seem like the most happiest person all the time....cuz i learned to hide it...but on the inside i feel broken... theres nothing there,execept the one person i know is holding me up...that one piece that is waiting for that one day to bloom into something great....i just wait for that day....if it will even come
...Is anyone there anymore
...Who am i?
...what is life?
...do i have to wait till i hold a fucking knife in my hand for someone to see how much pain i am fucking in
...Do i have a family
....why me
...am i the only one?
...what am i doing wrong?
..is this all my fault?
...
...
...
.....these are the questions that run thoughts that run through my head everyday...sometimes i wish i just wasnt here anymore...but i cant say that...i cant tell no one that...im not supposed to...life is just built around secrets and lies...
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO??????
I am terrible,why does anyone like me?
Im done....im not saying anything anymore...the only place where i know i could say my feelings...
Im just done...
...done
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