Notes

hey god i am tired i try and try and try and i try help people and i think i help but i dont know and then when i need help i dont wont to say anything because i dont wont to hurt or make anyone feel bad and i dont wont people to worry about me and at this point i just wont to give up but i dont wont my friand or family and i just surrender i hate this life i wish i was somthing to some one and i just want to kms i am not strong i try and make promise to myself and i dont stick with it and i try i really do and its like no one see it and like mom its like thats all she cares about id grades and all that shit its like can you talk about something else thats not that for one dam day and i try not to get mad and go off on her but i am at my braking point and if i dont do something i will go off and landon i am fucking jelus of him and i shouldnt be because idk but i am he has like ever thing i wish i had hes populer and tall and judt doum shit like that and i am all the dam time i am being annouyed by famly and friend and i am scared one day i am going to go off and the girl i love the most more then anything left and i didnt wont that to happen but it did and she was the best thing that happend and i just loved her more then alot of thing life was good and then it got shot down just like that and i and just fucking down with this life man so god i just need help i am not strong and i am going back to that dark place i tryed so hard to get out of and i am back in it and this time i think i really have no this time. and talking to her was the best thing that happend and i was good kinda and the begining of the year and now i am this clse to fucking giving up bc my mom dont care no one does and never will and they will say they care but they dont bc they dont wont to worry about your probloms and they just dont care and never will i need to cry but i cant bc i dont need mom hearing shit the only thing she will care about if i am up that late cry is why am i not aslpeep and then my phone and ever thing will be gone just like that bc thats all mom cares aboutis good grades and doing only what she seys and nothing else is ok and she just wont me to have no fun and be a goody two shoes and nothing fun and even if she cared she would take me to a fucking thairapist and thats wont help it will make it woes and i have fucking no one in this house mom has wyain and quinn has tyler and megan has tate and what do i have no one no one no one just like no one fucking care about me i should just end at this point bc like who would care yep you got it no one and i bet its bc i am a fucking fail at ever thing and i make thing worse just like with her she was the best i have ever had i was happy and then it was all gone man if i was 16 i would go 150 mph in to a tree like the only thing people would care about is the dam tree and if people did care it would go like this ( they would cry fake ass teres then they would get hungry and then they would go get food and then they would do that then mom or who ever would worry about the bill of the fenurol and then in like 3 days evey one would forget about me) and people dont care they just say they do but they dont. sorry i am just need to talk and i hate life and need some one to hug and cry in there arms it would be nice but it will never happend bc no one cares i just wish i could cry and have a hug and just i need one and some one that i trust some one eden well at this point shes the only one i trust with things like that i dont trust no one else i dont trust mom or any one i dont trust them and probly never will well maybe aspin but idk bc i seem liek then only reson why myla and aspn talk to me was bc is cobri anfd now i am thing no probly no one and never will just like quinn he thinks hes helping but hes not if anything hes make it wores and not helping at all and i wish i wish i never did tell him or any one like him or tate. and thats why i want to go to aubrys is so i can get high and for get about ever thing and have fun for ones and not have to worry for a few hours and thats why i vape so i can slowly kms and i am trying to make it to my b day and then i dont care i will cut my self anf the time and wont tell any one well maybe 1-3 poeple but they wont be quinn or tate pr any one in this famly and i will hide it ontell i am close to dieing and i will tell them then and ig i will say ( so i know you probly dont care and you guys are just wonting to come to seem like you care but anyway when i was 12 i was going in to dark place and mom the reson why i didnt tell you was bc 1 i didnt trust you and i sisnt wont you to worry about me and the 2 people i told in this famly was quinn and tate and then i didnt need quinn worrying and so i didnt tell him any thing after that and i day of my b day i fuck my arm up bad i was bleeding ever where and ya but good by evey one,) maybe somthing like that bc i plan on messing my arm up on or after my b day. but if i die to all the people i trusted manley eden and ya thank you you help the most and yes i told more people but i feel like she help the most and i sorry if i hurt you but ya and good by ever one.