Notes

Can I ask what acronym is for? bit confused on it still since its really just the "ww" part confusing me (I think?). I didnt get upset about you changing it, just really confused me to see you delete it and I couldnt stop thinking about it so I wanted to ask about it. Also, you didnt let me down, to be honest I didnt think you'd say anything, so the silly cats message was really nice but tonight I was just really depressed over my barber reminding me of how shit I used to be like 2-3 years ago, and really just made me awful. To be honest your attempts do mean something to me just, really just when you started telling me to do it myself and then started replying late I guess I just felt like you really didn't see it seriously like how I did, and I was getting worse not mainly over you but just, over everything since honestly the barber lady just kept telling me how I was when I was at the worst part of my life, and its good to look back on but it just destroyed me to be reminded of everything going on during that since she went into detail about it all.

If you want to talk to me about things, and you want to say them in person, if the bus doesn't work we can go to the library if you'd like? I mean we'd have to be quiet but it'd be private of tegen and waytt, I didnt mean for them to come and I was honestly really happy you were trying to make time to see me after school, but then tegen wouldnt take the hint and kept trying to sit with me. You wouldnt have been annoying but, if its something serious or big to you, I think its better, and easier for you to say it in private than infront of tegen, or wyatt, or kamari.

I didnt mean to put you down, and not seriously 10x I just couldnt think, the main thing was just I was trying to think if you cared alot or not really since you did message first, but then just kind of kept kind of saying to do it yourself, which I get I need to do but at the time I guess I was just seeking something else, then you left for 5 minutes twice and I couldnt really tell if you were busy with lunar or crazy or tay or whoever, so I just kinda of felt annoying and wanted to go back on tiktok since its like a comfort thing, I can show you it if you want but my favorites on tiktoks are almost all just about being depressed or overthinking or whatever, its just like a way for me to read about the issues while Im unable to think very well for myself. Im sorry for making you feel bad about it, that wasnt my intention just I really didnt know how you felt about it so I didnt know what to say. I really didnt mean to put you down at all, I just didnt think you honestly gave a shit so I put the 10x thing since I was just worried about other things and didnt know what to focus on, so I just put the first number, 10, and went on tiktok. and yeah I dont think Ill ever go to kamari about a serious issue anymore, since even for the relationship advice she just told me I was being too much for wishing me and you talked a bit more (I usually was really shook at the times so I probably worded it wrongly).

You shouldnt be sorry at all, since my mood wasnt mainly about you, it was more so just the other stuff from my female barber, and just memories I guess. I guess I was trying to go to you for help, but you seemed to just be rushing everything and busy, so I just asked if I could talk with someone else. Then a friend I made like 4 days ago asked about it so I kind of started to just talk with him, I wasnt actually going to talk about it with anyone but he kept asking.

and yeah, breaking up with you really is messing with me too, Im really just terrified of messing up since I think you'll go so Ive been trying to be a bit more quiet about issues but at the same time Im trying to listen to you about anything you say, so like the bus today and to stay afterschool (I do anyways but I stayed longer for you, kept telling my mom just a few more minutes tbh, I left after you walked away and I saw you with the twins but didnt bother saying anything). To be honest I know youre trying your best and you're trying really hard and thursday, friday, and saturday are what Im assuming was bad timing, and today I know you were trying to make an attempt to help me, and I know you arent exactly good, but I just felt really bad over everything and just how you kind of acting (not in a bad way, it just seemed really rushed like you were busy with something else, idk, and then I remembered how you would talk about your friends or how you'd be there for them and I just felt really unimportant I guess, so I left, just got on tiktok for 2 hours, showered, and then went typed that then went to bed