Notes

December 21, 2023.
I wanna die. I don't think I can do this anymore. school is hard. My friends make fun of me 24/7 and I'm sick of it. They find out I cut myself and all they do is laugh. Khloe is the only true one. Really caring even if she doesn't show it. I'm so done with all my friends I just want to shoot everyone all in the brains and then myself. at school I was so bored. I heard a guy scream let go of me to a police officer. And I laughed. My face and body is ugly and I'm just ugly in general. I'm planning on taking a knife out of my drawer and slitting my wrist. It will hurt. and I'm too scared to. and I don't really want to die. I have fun a lot of times. But I always fake my feelings and have to be tough and people in my family call my emotionless. And say I need to have more sympathy for others. and I do, I just don't show it. I don't see what's so wrong with that. and Half of the things I like get taken. I liked drawing, Elena took it from me. Everyone forgot how I loved drawing and my hobbies. It's like no one even cares. don't they remember my drawings? How I used to draw all the time? How could they forget. I would finish a drawing and go running to my parents to show them. Now I finish a drawing. And all I think is "I can't show anyone this piece of trash." I also loved writing when I was younger. I would be the person to write the most in class. and I would win coloring contest. Until Elena took those away from me to. Yeah, call me selfish. People wonder why I'm always gatekeeping my shows and characters, but it's because people take them. Bungou stray dogs for an example. I would talk about it and Elena took that. Then I started liking anime. My sister called her an "anime girl" today. Shes already taking that from me. I'm sick of it. Can't I have something I'm good at and just me? No one else. Just me. Only think I have is supernatural. Sam, Dean, and Castiel. No one can take them from me. I see teenagers living the time of their lives. While I'm sitting here writing about my feelings because I'm too much of a wimp to talk to others about it. I'm going to have to delete this so no one sees it. But I might keep it. For memory sakes. I can't wait until I can move out away from everyone. My only escape is my room or grandma.