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Actually ilang taon na rin ako nagtiis sa mga nasasabi ng tao sakin behind my back pero itong taon na 'to yung sobrang nagtrigger sakin dahil hindi biro yung mga nalalaman kong sinasabi ng mga tao sakin. Yes, nalalaman ko, may nakakarating sakin, pero I just cried silently at night. Hindi ako pumatol. Buhat buhat ko yung bigat ng pakiramdam ko araw-araw. I've never been okay kaya might as well sabihin ko na para kahit papaano gumaan naman.
I finally have the courage to say something to those people na nakangiti sakin kapag kaharap nila ako pero kapag nakatalikod na ko, kung ano ano sinasabi nila. Funny how they can act like those for years. Bakit hindi sila nakokonsensya? Sinasabi ko na lang din sa sarili ko na baka ako may mali pero hindi e wala naman akong ginagawa sa kanila. Hindi naman ako nagtake advantage sa ibang tao para maangatan sila. All I did was to do my very best. Lahat ng pagod at puyat nilalaan ko para mabuhat ko mismo sarili ko araw-araw. Hindi kasi nila nakikita yon. Hindi nila alam sacrifices ko pero all they did was to point fingers at me na parang may ginawa akong mali kaya natataasan ko sila. Pero hindi nila makita na all of it was on my OWN effort.
Isa pa, kaya ko pa sana tanggapin lahat ng sinasabi sakin ng mga taong ka-edad ko or medyo bata sakin pero sobrang sakit na makarinig ako sa mga taong PROFESSIONAL (?), MATATANDA, AT MAYROONG PINAG-ARALAN na may nasasabi sa akin. Sila din mismong nagsabi na kaya ako nakarating sa kung ano ako ngayon dahil sa tulong ng ibang tao. Bakit nasabi yon? Kasama ba nila ako araw-araw? Nakita ba nila mga pinaghirapan ko para makarating sa kung anong meron ako? HINDI. Hindi ko matanggap na kung sino pa yung mga taong ginagalang ko, gagawin sakin yon. Marami akong alam sa kanila pero nanahimik lang ako. Hindi ko pinagkakalat mga sikreto nila kahit na pinagchichismisan nila ako behind my back. They are targeting a 21 year old girl just for fun, may mapag-usapan lang.
Mali ko talaga na nagtitiwala pa ko hanggang ngayon sa mga tao believing that they will change, na kahit papaano maiintindihan nila ako at wala silang iisiping masama sakin, but I'm wrong. I'm done hearing things regarding on what I acheived so far. Maybe darating din yung time na kung ano yung ginagawa nyo sakin babalik din sa inyo. Sana maramdaman niyo lahat ng mga pinaramdam nyo sakin lalong lalo na yung sakit na dini-discredit nyo lahat ng ginawa kong effort lalo na sa pag-aaral ko for 16 YEARS.
To be honest I'm so disappointed. I've never knew that y'all will do these things to me. This will be the last time na magbubulag-bulagan ako sa mga ginawa nyo sakin. I hope I'll never meet you in 2024 because by then, I will be protecting my own peace, not to please all of you.
-L-
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