Notes

My friends. Oh my friends they mean the world to me. I could never ask for better ones. they have helped me through hell and back. I wasnt supposed to be alive by now but they haved saved me. they dont even know it and it hurts my heart to see them struggle. they have saved me. there the reason I am working on myself. I actually try for them. I come to school because of them. They just get me and i love it. it sucks how they dont understand that. I made it award between me and my closest and it hurts I blame myself because of it. Every call Its always so silent. I hate it. I miss his goofy smile. His laugh. him. I miss how he would let me know if I cant call him. Now I barley get Gn. Why. I know he didnt mean to but why. My heart misses him. he is forbiden from my love hidden away. My love looks for him in every cabnet but he is not there. He only stays in the addic forever. He is like snow when it starts to gets hot it fades away. I dont want it to. I tell it "pls dont go" but it has to thats just how snow works it has to leave at one point you cant stop it. Even if you try to put it in the frezzer. People come and go I understand but why him. Why must he go. My heart yearns for him. Im to scared to edmit it. I never will after this. I always over share and I would just yap to him. He wouldn care. He would just sit and listen. I new he would listen because he would ask questions. My mom even likes him. that means alot to me. I even made a silly little nicname for him just for me. Freddy. Thats his nicname. Idk why I just like it. we had matching braclets. I made him abunch.
But I have to lock my heart in a box. In the ground. Like a time capsel. I cant love I will get hurt again and ive just healed so I have to lock it away even from him forever never to be opended again.