Notes

Have you ever felt as if ur living a life of cons searching for pros? Like your not living but surviving without a real cause? I dont think i have a purpouse of being here. I mean i realise i dont add alot of value into anyone's lives. I dont even add value to my own life. So really whats the point. The most i do is act as a burden ig. I mean i come up with a new illness every week, my menta state i horrible and uve left my parents and school with the responsibility to deal with that. Im sad all the time and my friends are left with the burden of looking after me. The funny thing is im a burden to myself as well. All this pain and thought hurt me physically as well to the point where i feel like im i constant pain and paranoia. I feel like a heavy weight and by living it just means other people have to carry it. I want to cut myelf but im too scared. I want to hut myself but ill just be looking for attention. I want to kms but that would just ruin my parent's reptation and once again even in death they'd be dissapointed in me. There's no way out of this hell hole and it is so draining. A cycle of nothingess and pain. Im so sick of myself.