Notes

To Bemmy; my first love. I just want to express my feelings in this letter, sana di ka ma-cringe HAHAHAHA. "My first love", " the first girl I liked", "my gay awakening" oh the words I use just to describe you. You might not know it or even realize it but you have taken a big piece of my heart, and even my life. You served as a big change in my life; or might as call it a big turn. Without realizing it, I've been looking for you in every person I liked, imagining that you were them, a red flag but that's what I really feel, can't help it. I want to tell you that 13 year-old me was so in love with you, I hope you knew that. No matter how many times I cried over you, that didn't affect my overflowing feelings for you. Though, back then, I was naive; unsure of my feelings and idea of love. I was immature and clueless on how that thing called love works, love is the word I always used lightly without knowing the depth of that word. But...to you, I said it being sincere. There are times which I hurt you, but trust me, I never intended to. I just wanted to love you and to be loved by you. I wonder how that would feel like, right? I have so many untold words for you, I wanted it to reach you but it would be impossible as there's no feelings involved within us anymore. So, with this letter I hope it reaches you. Pero parang kung san-san na napadpad yung mga pinagsasabi ko HAHAHHAHAHA. But in all seriousness, I have told so many stories to the people I trust the most about you :) even if I didn't know if my feelings back then were reciprocated, I still appreciate you. Bemmy, I'm sorry if you saw the bad messages I told about you, but I was really just upset and angry at that time, I'm so immature. I'm sorry. At that time, I could've never imagined that you would choose someone I introduced you to and have only known for a month or two over our 1 year of friendship or even more than friendship that time. I wanted you to be by my side that time but I guess our reckless decisions didn't let me have what I want. But, I still appreciated you even if that happened :) Our connection and closeness is what I want to maintain the most. I hope we will be able to stay like this even if few more years pass by. Honestly, I'm kind of jealous of the online friends you have now but I'm not that young, immature Jyra back then anymore. I've grown. I've come to realize that if I want you to stay, I'd be happy to see you be happy with other people even if there's jealousy inside me. I only met you online, but trust me, you're a big part of my life. I care about you, I think about you, and I love you (interpret this in any way you want). This isn't a letter of confession, but a letter of appreciation and untold words. Billgates, I appreciate you much :)

I have long wanted to make a long message for you, and now is just the time that I use my built-up courage.