Notes

Well.. hello.
You know me as snck, which is a really cute nickname that I like.
For awhile I've acted bad towards you, I know I insult myself for it a lot but rather I need to do a real apology.
I know it sounds stupid but I am jealous of your girlfriend because, I still have a small crush on you..
And I am jealous of her because she seems so perfect when you talk about her, so cute and innocent.. how I wish I could be. I envy her especially for having someone who is so caring as sweet as you. Ghetto isn't bad but he never tells me sweet things, even yesterday I showed him a picture of me and asked if it was cute and all he did was criticize it and then go to sleep. But without even seeing me you would compliment me in so many ways, ways that he never does. I'm extremely sorry for my behavior, the pervertedness, the rudeness and crudeness, the vulgarity and mindless thoughts put into words. I'm sorry that I have never been able to be a real friend to you like others have, I envy them, I envy their ability to care for someone other than themselves and their ability to make you laugh/smile etc.
I've always wanted to be your friend, to be close and have someone that is special to you, I try to be cute and it just pushes you away, I try to act normal and it just pushes you away, I try to act serious and it makes you ignore me. But why can't I act myself around you? Is it because I'm nervous, shy, scared? Well I can say that I am scared, scared of the day when I go too far and you decide I'm not worth it, everytime you try to end a conversation with me I know I messed up and it upsets me to the point of me wanting to slam a brick into my head and I know it's my fault which makes it worse... And I'm sorry for all of this, that I can't control myself and that everything that comes out of my mouth is filled with awkwardness and nervousness.
I don't expect you to take any of this into consideration, not because you're a bad friend but because I've been such a bad friend that I'm not sure if I deserve to be forgiven... Anyways, I hope that you will hopefully understand and give me another chance..