Notes

My heart hurts when I cant stop thinking about you. I wish I could explain better but I just cant stand the thought of being betrayed or losing you. I'd rather be lonely all my life than to be with someone new. It mostly hurts because im too weak to talk to you about this and not tear up because it seems like absolutely no one would understand. And I know you wouldnt understand because you love less and worry less and maybe im just a game to you but i hate when i get attached and i fucking break down almost everyday when i think that you dont feel the same for me. It almost seems like u never really have time for me, and that u dont put enough effort. If you wanted to, you would've. Or maybe my standards are too high. Or maybe im just a stupid piece of shit that cant stop worrying, not even for one minute. And i have like 278 thoughts at the same time. For you it might be easy because all you do is wait and do nothing much, when i try and explain my feelings for you. But when i do this it makes me back off each time because you cant reciprocate. I feel like you just *pretend* to care. And im sure im not wrong, because all guys are the same. And when i read that one text from you ''we should end things soon'' i felt like the world stopped and i was just there not knowing what to do or say. And it hurts like hell. It hurts knowing that you want to end it. Maybe im annoying and stupid and good for nothing. I know its true. But you said you loved me. And i believed those words like an idiot. And when you told me that shes just a *family friend* like cmon im not that stupid. Idk why ur hiding so many things from me. All you always want is me to come at yours and hang and have sex each time its tiring. Its repetitive. But i guess i learnt a lesson from this - never trust them rightaway, because you never know someone's intention. As i read what you said I felt like a piece of glass breaking and shattering. I wish you could just talk to me and tell me the truth. It feels tiring because i already know you dont care. You definately think im just an obsessed psycho and extremely stupid. And yeah maybe i am but i have a reason - i love you too much. You wouldnt understand because ur just a player. Who knows why you wanted to 'date' me and be with me. Oh yes, you do have a reason too: to use me and pretend that you care. God i wish i could know if you truly love me or not. Please just give a sign. I wish i could know what's coming. I just cant do this anymore I want it to end. I cant stop thinking about you, whereas you barely think about me. You want to be unseen with me. You only want to keep me for later and shi. But never talk in school. Not even once. Not even fucking once. Yeah now it all adds up. I dont know how I never realised what a dick you actually are. I love you so much i never loved someone so much. But im nothing to you arent i. Who knows what other girls ur talking to. But okay, talk to them, meet them, flirt with them or whatever. But none of them would love u as much as i do.