Notes

File 01: A Computer Virus That Has Been Spreading of Late

As I basked in the glow of a cat video on a video sharing site, a warning popup appeared at the bottom left side of my desktop. It was bright red.

Malignant program code has been detected.

Please choose an action.

“So I’ve finally gotten a virus! And this one wasn’t blocked on its way in. It was detected after it infected my computer!!”

As I shouted in my cramped bedroom, my school uniform swayed on its hanger.

Luckily, the core of my system had not been directly taken out. Apparently, the virus had been detected while in my internet cache. Essentially, it had lost its way and could no longer find its destination. That was a bit of a relief, but it was always possible it could make it into the actual system from there.

It seemed best to exterminate it as soon as possible.

And so I brought the cursor to the disposal button on the popup.

“Wahhh!! Wait, wait! Wait before you exterminate me!!”

“Nwoooohhhh!? My head is spinning, so the naked eye 3D I had turned off must have suddenly activated! And is this an autonomous kunoichi virus!?”

When I was about to delete it with a single click, (what looked like) a long-haired large-breasted girl stuck her troubled-looking head into view on the screen.

“No, I was originally a standard maid, but I was changed to a kunoichi when people complained about a maid being a virus that stole data not making any sense.”

“You were originally a maid? So are you that famous gold stealer that does truly horrible harm to people’s internet bank accounts? …And you’re the latest variation!? I need to compress you in a frozen state and report you to the security software’s emergency contact!!”

“Gyaaaaaahhhh!! You would pack up such a beautiful girl and send her off to some strange research facility!? And you say you have a conscience!? Also, how can a boy like you show no reaction to my appearance!? Have more empathy! Have pity on me!!”

As she cried, the ninja’s large breasts needlessly bounced up and down. The naked eye 3D made them swell out splendidly. To be honest, I had a feeling humanity’s knowledge was being used in quite an enjoyable fashion.

But as you could tell from the conversation so far, this was what recent computer viruses were like.

It had always been common for viruses to include traps that amused the infected. They would fake emails telling of important announcements, they would come with a convenient bit of free software, etc. Just as their methods of wreaking havoc had become even more ingenious, their methods of “amusing” had evolved as well.

The autonomous kunoichi virus clasped her hands in front of her chest and looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

“I-it is true that I am a computer virus created at the hands of a programmer with ill intentions, but…but! I may be large and seem different from other files the instant you embrace me! And I may be clearly adding to the infected files directly in the folders of the system core rather than hidden in the BIOS or the registry! But do I really look like someone who could pull that kind of evil off!?”

“Uuh…The more I hear, the more I imagine some clumsy girl tripping and falling flat on her face…!”

“I was originally a maid, remember!? I am the kind of maid that trips where there is nothing to trip over! I just happen to be dressed as a kunoichi!! I’m famous for having lots of functions, but not producing any real results. Is it really right to exterminate me just because I am a virus!?” shouted the autonomous kunoichi virus as she flailed her arms around in front of the display.

Everything she said was calculated to be cute, but it made my head spin when she moved around a lot. That was the problem with naked eye 3D.

“…Then what are you doing on my desktop?”

“Please let me stay here. Right here! It’s really scary outside! The automatic cleaning systems on modern servers are just too dangerous! I won’t do anything. I’ll just sit with my arms around my knees in a corner of your memory! I just don’t wanna disappeeeeeaaaaarrrrr!!”

“Mh…Mhhh…!!”

The computer virus began to cry, giving me a look at what girls usually hid with makeup.

I was starting to feel a bit sorry for her.

The fact that I could kill her with a single click certainly helped to spur on the increase of guilt I was feeling.

“Hah!? N-no, wait! Kikukawa-kun from my class had his entire bank account cleaned out by one of these things! This is an attack AI intended to bring on these feelings!! I can’t let her trick me!!”

Incidentally, Kikukawa-kun was famous for looking really happy and crumbling whenever he was infected by a virus. It may have been a similar state to a guy who kept buying gifts for a cabaret girl.

“That settles it.