Notes

time flies doesn't it. it feels just like yesterday i had started my high school, it is 10 years now. 6 years since i finished school. 8 and a half years since i met the guy i thought i would spend the life i thought i deserved. i don't know why, i still think of him at random times. it's not like last time, maybe 2 years ago, i cried because i thought i gave up the life i thought i deserved. god gave me so much more for letting go of him. now i have my love with me, forever. my family is healthy & happy, only thing is i'm struggling with my studies. but i do hope to get it out of the way soon. lets talk a little about this boy. i remember only little things but i would like to write it down and then forget them all. i know i wrote a lot about him in my diary which i lost. i met him in 2nd form. he was a year younger to me. it was not love and first sight, but it was that feeling which a 14 year old could not describe. he is good looking, tall, not smart, funny & sweet. i knew he already liked me but i was not falling for anyone that i was sure. he did come talk to me a couple of times, he came to my duty points during break times (i was a prefect), and i remember giving him this pink stone from which Chinese believe to be a love stone. i think i fell for him when we were in our 5th or 6th month of the term. and since then, i only liked him. but we never got together or ever expressed our feelings. things always came in the way, because i wanted to finish school with good grades. he stopped school half way through his 4th form when he told me he liked me and i lied and said i had a boyfriend because i was so scared. he never came back. i waited everyday for the next 5 months for him to come back and he never did. it did break my heart, but i had to sit for my finals and i could not let anything get in my way. it was so long till i finally found his address and got the courage to meet him but when i did, to my surprise he was working as a security guard near his house i did not recognize him until my friend reena said, 'amret u just spoke to him', i didnt know it was him. i knew there was no future for us from the beginning, but i still wonder up till today what my life would have been if i would have said yes to him. i believe things happen for a reason. i did meet him again in 2012, after my a-level exam and we exchanged numbers this time, but i couldn't do it. i knew he was not the one for me, it was obvious. he told me he loved me since he saw me and he couldn't forget me ever. i don't remember him like how he does, i just sometimes wonder where is he and if he is OK but i don't take the trouble to find out more. i hope he is fine though. i did like him at some point but another girl told me she already liked him and he liked her back, it made me cry in form 5 but it was easier after that to forget it all and move on. his name is fazahar and he is half muslim, half punjabi. no one knows my secret, but i prefer it staying this way.