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You're like a dictionary – you add meaning to my life, but only when I'm looking for a laugh.
I'm jealous of people who haven't met you.
I'm not saying you're old, but your birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute cumber, but I'm afraid you're more of a sourpuss.
If your life was a movie, it'd be rated "P" for "Pathetic."
I'd call you a tool, but at least a tool serves a purpose.
Are you always this dumb, or are you just making a special effort today?
You're not the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope they don't die.
Is there an app I can download to make you disappear?
If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
I'd say you're a waste of space, but even space has more depth than you.
I've seen smarter sandwiches at the bottom of a lunchbox.
Were you born this obtuse, or did you have to practice?
You're like a black hole: everything useful gets sucked into your void of intelligence.
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