Notes

i wish we did not meet each other
i wish i did not know you
it is may 6 today and
as i write this letter at 12:44 am
it is making me feel sad knowing that i am writing again
because i want to vent out
all the feelings that i have been wanted
to tell you
all of these were driven by the emotions
that came from all the feelings i am having
for you, only for you.
I think the connection between you and me
is about to end right now
and i am not well prepared as this
thing will happen
i did not expect that we will still be having
a conversation up until now
though i know that it will end
but i am still grateful tho
that i met you
cause i learned a lot from you
but at the same time
i wish i did not met you
i wish we never meet each other
from that time you told me
that you like after telling you that i like you
of course, it is undeniable
that it me flattered and happy
knowing that you like me too
but it is sad that
as time passes by
it doesn't match to your actions
you said you like but why do i feel
that i am the one who is always
having the initiative to talk about something
just to continue the conversation
well, um let's say you are not good at communicating
but it will never be an enough reason
because we both are capable in making an effort
but ykw? in the first place,
who am i to say all of this?
well actually if you said you like me and told it was real
it is my decision if i am going to believe you
it is my choice after all
everything depends on the outcome of my decisions
well maybe our feelings are not mutual
maybe this is just an unrequited love
maybe i am the only who is the only genuine here
though even i think of this
i also think of the times when you are telling me
telling me that you really like me
that youa re really interested in me
and want to talk with me
are those only to make me feel okay
is the reason why you are saying those
is to just make me calm and not overthink?
well, if that is the reason then
i hate it because i hate lies
well idk
does this feeling even valid?
am i valid to feel this emotions?
to get hurt and cry
i want something
well maybe you cant give me that something
and um, you also should be aware
that i am not aiming for a label
between us
i just want a clarifications
about what am i really to you?
am i special to you too?
damn man
here i am again
contemplating if im going to send the video
that i saved from tiktok
lol
i told myself to not bother you anymore
but it's so hard lol
argggghhhh fuk these feelings TTTTTTTTT