Notes

This week was quite memorable for me. I made a lot of good positive progress towards my friendship with Paula. Last Saturday, she asked if we could call nightly for biochemistry studying since we have finals coming up next Tuesday. I obviously agreed to this and we started calling on Sunday. She wasn't able to call on Monday or Tuesday since she was busy with a few projects from other classes. Paula didn't come to school on Tuesday and she asked me to send notes. Physical chemistry exams were also passed back so I went ahead and took hers for her to hand to her the following day since we were going to study for physical chemistry. She came to school after U-hour and asked to meet up before my 1:00pm lab to grab her exam from me so she could look at it. When we met up and I gave her the exam, she gave me a little cute pink box that had high chews inside and she said it was for me <33 omg i died internally when it happened i felt so special. She said it was for all the times I have always helped her with academics and she felt bad since she had been slacking a lot, but obviously I just want to do it to help her out as a good friend.
Michelle, Paula, and I all went to the library starting 11:30am on Wednesday morning to study for physical chemistry II and boy was that an amazing day. I talked to Paula extensively during that encounter and we made a lot of progress and I feel like in addition to the obvious academic benefits we both got, we also developed the friendship more with in person interactions. Near 2:30pm, which was when we had to go to biochemistry lab, we walked together and then split up and Paula and I walked together. sooo goodddddd!! Anyways we talked casual about a few things such as how horrible my eyesight was lmao and about LASIK. We stood next to each other waiting for Dr. Liu to come to open the door and talked a little bit more. After the quiz, that was it of class so we were going to study and Paula and I were the first two people to finish the quiz, so she waited for me to finish it outside of lab and then we both walked to the library while I let my friend know that I was heading to the library first since he was still taking the quiz. It was a nice short moment of walking one on one with her before he came, and then we went to the library and started studying for biochemistry quiz we had the next day. Paula was trying to help us learn and absorb the material by rewriting the key bulletpoints but having few fill in the blanks throughout to have us recall the details, but my friend was being very disrespectful to her studying patterns often being sarcastic and trying to be funny about "wow i really am learning a lot with this session" sarcastically, which ticked me off because I know Paula is trying to help us but he is not even trying to take it seriously. (Honestly, I did not take it seriously either because I was with my friends so in the end I felt really bad since we collectively made it seem like her efforts went to waste). Paula alternated between people to say the answers to the fill the blanks and one of the times, she actually said my name !!!! OMG I WILL NOT FORGET THIS IT FELT SO GOOD I WAS LOOKING DOWN AT MY PHONE OR SMT AND SHE SAID MY NAME SO I COULD ANSWER A FILL IN THE BLANK that was probably one of the first times that she said my name so it was really special to me. My friend left around 5pm, and then Paula, Nathan (he came around 4pm) and I were there but weren't studying at that point. We sat there since she had music class online and she was working on flashcards for biochemistry, so I just wanted to be with her until we left. I helped her a little with her enzymology exam with R and S stuff that we learned in Organic Chemistry, but other than that, we didn't do much else afterwards. We left around 6:50pm or so and I could tell in general Paula was annoyed or ticked that the biochemistry study session was such a fail since I previously invited her to study with us and she wondered if she would gain anything from it, so now I know that she will not ever return because it was so unproductive for her and also disrespectful. The moment she stood up and cleaned the table, immediately afterwards she put her headphones on and I knew she did not want to be disturbed. This was just sad for me and I knew she was annoyed since I was going to talk to her on the way back to our cars since we all parked in the same approximate location so we were still all headed the same way, but she did not want to be disturbed at that point so she just put her headphones on and zoned everything else out.
I went home and asked if we would call still for the biochemistry nightly calls, but she said she needed alone time but it was because she looked at her job portal (shes applying for experience as a CLS) but she got rejected or ghosted from all of them and she was sad which is understandable. Honestly their loss because she would make an amazing addition to their team.
I woke up on Thursday really depressed and I was not focused at all during either of my classes, pchem and biochem. I did the worst I ever did on my quiz because of it and it was horrible. I invited Paula to study with Michelle in pchem again, since michelle invited me to study the previous week on wed and thurs, but Paula went home so she wasn't there. I vented to Michelle about my feelings for Paula and everything, and it helped. We just studied pchem and then went to research but didnt do anything since the lead researcher wasn't there, so we left campus around 4pm. I went home getting sad again since my own internal thoughts were getting to me again, but i went to ask paula if we were calling and she said yes this time which made my day so much better and happier lmao. We called at 9:24pm and initlally started with talking about biochem quiz and stuff that we had earlier in the day, but then after probably 30 minutes, she started talking about a male that she absolutely hates and continued talking about him for a good while. She gave me a good story time about the male, and I was just agreeing with everything she was saying because it is all common sense to why she hates the male. Like the male is just messing up every possible thing which was cringe. Overall, the call lasted until around 4pm, or nearly 7 hours, and we just talked about that the most of the time. As in we, I mean her because she was leading the conversation and I was just making occasional comments since I didn't want to interrupt but I realize now that I interrupt a lot accidentally, so that is something I need to fix. I think we bonded a lot over this experience though because we both agreed on a lot of things and hopefully that helps her see a better light of me, but knowing that now I need to focus on my individual self. I know she is a very independent woman and that is amazing, I need to get my shit together too and then worry about her afterwards (romantic wise, ofc I will worry about her as a friend).