Notes

what is this love ? One time you're happy, one time you're hurting. Is this how its supposed to be ?
I dont know tbh !!
Will I ever get an honest and true love ??
Is this all that I deserve ? There's always so may questions that I have but no answers :(
So many puzzles that I sometimes become tired and just wanna give up honestly !
But I trust Allah and all I can say is he knows what's best for me and I just have to be patient and trust his plans.. I guess ..
Like every other girl, I wanna be loved but in todays generation, everywhere or rather a majority of fake love exists, everyone is just playing around. One day with you and who knows when someone else. It's hard to trust anyone in this generation.

They say you never think of falling in love but one day unexpectedly you just do, I mean not in just a day but overtime you realise you have fallen in love. Point is, its a sudden feeling you get that makes you SOOO happy, you get butterflies and what not. Lucky are those who end up with their first love for the rest of their lives otherwise I'd say breakups are really nasty !!! The pain you go through and the weird thoughts that come to your mind, sometimes you love someone so much that when they leave, everything just becomes so hard, you get into depression, cause harm to yourself or even worse case scenario, one ends up suiciding. Lucky Islam does not permit suicide, otherwise the rate of suicide would have been far much worse ! I remember when I had to go through such a time. I just couldn't handle the pain and cried so much. There were days where I would just start crying while working and on call with a customer, the good part was, I was working from home, so no one actually knew I was crying or what I was going through. Its hard to even talk about it that time. Days and nights went by thinking about everything and just crying, not even eating properly. I'm grateful I had my mum who somewhat understood and tried to be there for me, trying to make me feel a bit better, getting me to have some bread at least for breakfast. I love you mom for always being there for me and I don't know what I'd do without you. I also remember I started eating almonds because this heartbreak started making me forget things. I honestly think I went under depression but just not diagnosed to actually prove it but the pain and suffering I went through was just so unbearable for me. Because someone told me he would be different and not like every other men and would never leave me, that he would want to spend the rest of his life with me and even if he would have to go against his family he would do that and not leave my side and I started believing in him and over time fell in love with him and how he treated me. The care, the love, the madness, it was all going so good but guess what happened, when the time actually came to take a stand he backed out !! He just sat there and listened and