Notes

and its likes simple things that make life less complicated to me.
they make me calm.
the things that some ppl find fun are not fun enough.
for the thing that i find the most joy
if I'm being completely honest
the things that you don't need money to do
the things that uu don't need another persons company for
but it'd be nice if they came along
in the summer
i like watching sunsets and blasting music with all the windows down
and in the fall
i love smelling pumpkin spice and watching fairy movies
even though i hind under the blankets majority of the time
and in the transition from fall to winter
i yearn for the time my mom exchanges the pumpkin spice candles
to the smell of pine trees
and then winter finally arrives
i fall in love with each day i can spend
in a oversized Hoddie with sweatpants and a hat with a little ball on the top
however i realized that i often find myself hiding my hands in my baggy sleeves
like they're scared of someone... and maybe that's true.
maybe my hands are hiding from me
because winter is the time when my depression starts rolling in
and if my hands aren't hidden or resisted
then they will probably find themself with the possession of the razor
that rest on my vanity...i admire those days with my entire heart
not the days of me cutting myself or the days i find comfort in myself
and maybe i love those peaceful moments in theses days
because they are consistent.. and it will be hard for them to be ruined
its almost impossible for them to be ruined.
because they come around once a year.
it doesn't happen as much that there's less of a chance of me not liking these days
its been the same since i was younger. so maybe that's also why I love these days
nothing has changed and i doubt it ever will
because that one thing i will never forgive myself for allowing it to happen
a sense of joy that will never leave bc its a joy that only includes me
it only includes me bc its what i love...
just me and when there is love with only one person in it.
then its less likely for it to be ruined.
since there's not another person in it to
break it.