Notes

Hai. It's almost your birthday. Isn't it?

Gue ga bisa terus sembunyi dari pertanyaan dan kepergian tanpa penjelasan yang gue perbuat. Especially between us, sean.

So first of all, i want to say.. happy early birthday, for you. May your life fulfill with new enjoyment and everything good. Ameen.

Second one, i want to apologize. For my disappearness? I'm apologize for sudden leave without any clear closure. It's all my fault and my coward things. Put it all on me.

Third, i want clarify something.. about my sudden leaves. It's not the sudden decision... I already planned for few months before i really did it. The reason why i leaving you cause.. it's really killing me, with all my heartbreak and jealousy i have. I know it's not a good things so i keep assume it's me, the one who can cause the toxicity in this friendship.

Yeah, you got me. I already have crush on you. Since 3 years ago? It's always come and go feeling, but it's sucks that it's always you who winning my heart again after all heartbreak i got. I thought it's just past 'things'. But turns out it's become blooming again after you ended with your latest ex and when we both on the single era. You're the one of my support system in back then but deep down i keep held my feeling to not cross the line.

It's turn's out felt so wrong, sean. I know I can't keep this feeling but I can't go back to be pure friend like before.. i never spit it out until you have Curiouscat link? (Or something else like that?), and finally i confess that secretly. And I'm the one who said that we will never become together. Cause.. i know, you will never see me as a girl, you always know me as your twinbro and it will always be. I'm okay with that.. at least i know it's a good things, perhaps. I choose to buried that feeling, again.


After that, all i can do is start to not waiting for you DMs. Stop curious about your day and everything about you, ofc you realize that we start had some gap in there. And it's hurt me lil bit when looking at you happy with all your new friend, leaving me alone in here and give some space on my 'couch' if you need someone to lean on, later..

It's became my another sadness when i know the one who 'i think she will be his next one' is come true. I mean.. i already passed 2 of your exes phase and now i should looking you again with someone new for third time. And it's breaks my heart when i know she is too perfect to be true. She is the doctor and she be your health support system.. it's remind me how noisy i am when i keep remind you about your health, but now you have her.

With all this words, you can guess this is looks so toxic for us.. for you exactly, and i realized that it's not good for you. So i choose step back from this friendship.. i think you deserve everything's good vibes except me.


That's a wrap! I hope all those word can explain every question why i decided to keep away from you.

Sean.. please be happy, with anyone you had choose and you will choose someday. May god bless you. See you?

Thanks for reading this belated-closure.


Best regard, your friend.
-Emil / joey.