Notes

you are what experiences when your mind fluctuates. (you and mind are different)

chasing wants for happiness, it is never enough becaouse that is a nature of the want that it is temporary.

/x/x/x/x/x/x/xx/x/x/x/x/x/xx/x/x/xx/x/xx/x/x/x/x/x/x/x

idealistic procrastination
recignise that what yiu are chading is fantasy

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Resently, I've rediscovered Stoic philosophy. It very much reaches the same overall conclusions. One way of thinking that really stuck with me is reaching the present moment through exclusion: That is to say- the past has already happened and is therefore inaccessable to me. The future is impossible to predict, therefore any prediction I made is simply my imagination. I treat thoughts about the past and future as nescessary evils.
I make a plan and use my mind to make a prediction, run through it once or twice, and then accept that things might turn out completely differently. Then I discard any desire to try and predict the future further as essentially vice.
The same goes for going over the past. I ask myself if there's a lesson to be learned. I go over it once or twice and then discard a desire to ruminate further.
We tend to fantasise about the past and future to stimulate our minds with anxious thoughts. Its a type of vice, in my oppinion, and a bad one at that. By treating these sorts of fantasies with a healthy amount of suspicion and contempt, I've found I'm very peaceful- and very content with that feeling of tranquillity to boot.
When you leave past and future to the side, you must nescessarily be present.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

You are not entitled to the fruits of the action but you are only entitled to your actions.
(but how do I stop worrying whether im taking the right action. or lets say whether im actually doing the right process, ofc independent of the outcome. thats what makes it hard. i can not care about the result and focus on the process but while doing so I constantly worry whether im on the right path to march on and on without desperately hoping for the fruit. its hard really in some cases.)

"You do not control anything outside of you"
"All you can do is show up" [and that is the greatest strength]

(Yeah but whenever I look to see what can I control in my situation, I always feel confused and sad and anxious that whether im actually looking over all my controllables. my mind keeps throwing stuff at me and makes me believe that hey this is what you have to do too, this is what is in your control too and you are missing it. which makes me asad and anxious and hopeless further. its like I keep thinking there are some things I can do apart from this, as a part of the controllables and some of those are realistically not feasisble in my situation. so these thoughts then again make me always question by actions, my process, and it just makes me all sad and I lose peace)

"The more we spend energy trying to control things outside of us, the worse things actually become"
"so when we try to change those things outside of our control, we inevitably fail becaouse thats how fundamentally it works[things outside of control]. so the more we try the more we fail and the more despair there is which is ofc natural."

"All you can control is yourself. Not any other human being"

"closing my eyes, focusing on what who I am and what it is in my hand to control"

"just think about how much energy you waste by despairing due to thinking about things outside of your control"

"Its scientifically proven that if you want to achieve flow state then you cant be focused on the outcome but on the action"

(its like I can never make peace with my own degree of control. its like im doing action A and theres a goal X. but when Im focused on doing action A without thinking of whether I can achieve goal X or not, my mind keeps telling me that hey you should be doing Action B to actually get to the goal. but the problem arises when the Action B is something which I cant do. its outside of my control. BUT, my mind constantly puts into this state of confusion: 1. Action B is something outside of your control and hence you should stick to Action A which is in yourcontrol) or 2. Action B is attainable and you should pursue it oause Action A.

its this constant confusion whether Action B is attainable or not, whether im doing anything in the process/Action. and this confusion is what causes my anxiety and sadness, and that is due to the fear that im not taking the rught action. )