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hi, i just wanna vent so yea. there has been quite troubles with me lately..lately i just havent feel like im in the right mind..everything feels so unreal suddenly. everything feels heavy..those thoughts towering above me..those overthinks. those lonely feeling..everything seems so weird..i can hear my heart pounding clearly like im inside of myself..there would be times i wanna be better but cant be better. times that i wanna breathe but couldnt..theres times id feel a sharp pain feeling in my chest like i just got stabbed. i dont know what i want. i dont know what i need either. i dont know if i need comfort,words of affirmation..etc.. at some point ive always thought there's no point in living at all..for the past few days all ive done is lay in my bed and rot. just letting those thoughts get through me..those whisperings in my head telling me to just stay there and grab the blade knowing what id do with it. i dont know whats going on with me lately..i feel lost. whenever i would eat id just stare at the food with hunger..throughout the day id just stay in my bed and stare at the ceiling..and question my worth. i feel..so disapointed in myself..i feel so worthless. my chest would feel so heavy everytime..theres times i would cry randomly,but times i wanna cry but i cant. i just let those thoughts and whisperings get through me till it ruins me completely..i desperately wanna open up to someone..but that shame feeling that they wont understand at all and maybe just call u emotional...scars are slowly fading..it makes me wanna add more so bad. i just wished to live better..love better..and just be better. god may listen to our prayers but the only thing he can do is help..not give all u want and need..but sometimes id really wish god can listen and help me through my problems..im tired,im lost...i dont know where i belong at all...im exhausted from everything.

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