Notes

...Tbh I screwed up so bad... I wasn't really thinking.. I broke up with my boyfriend of 9 months because I felt as if he didn't really like me anymore, he was very distant & to this day I think he was trying to get rid of me, leading me to break up with him, just so he wouldn't have to do it... He said he lost feelings for me, he doesn't want me and not gonna lie... I couldnt breath for a second, my stomach dropped... But even after all of that, I managed to get him out of my mind... by doing the most stupid thing someone can do after a break up which is... get a rebound. I made this guy believe i'm perfectly fine, I lead him, I teased him... but he went to a different school and we would see each other only one day a week... He did make me happy though.. got me thinking about him, we went on perfect dates, he was really a nice guy.. I believed that I finally got over my ex and I was glad... but not until we started being distant & figured out it wouldn't workout.. the first days were good..but it got bad so fast... We mutually agreed to end it for good. This helped me realize I wasn't actually over my ex but the guy I was with made me forget about him for a while... Anyways, so I decided to go to this Hockey game because i'm trying my best to get busy and find happiness elswhere. This guy i've always considered my friend came too & I've never looked at him as someone id date but that night... it just changed. It was really weird how we got along, after a fun night, he offered to give me a ride so I agreed thinking it was the right thing to do since it was almost midnight & there was no bus working at that time... We had fun in the car singing, rapping, dancing & the usual.. but when he dropped me off, I felt that vibe & tbh I wanted him so bad... but I didn't wanna do anything.. he had a girlfriend & I know it's shitty to do that to someone els. I backed off & went home.. to a text from him saying he wanted to kiss me & that he wanted to break up with his girlfriend for me... but I told him I didn't feel the same way & that I still have feelings for my ex, which is true but I don't understand what I felt towards him.. I would NEVER date him... for a LOT of reasons. And It wouldn't workout, I don't trust him and I never will... I'm so confused, I don't know what to think anymore... I'm always expecting my ex to come back with some big apology telling me he regrets everything and wants me back but I gotta start living in reality and move on once for all. I promise from now on that I'll find happiness in me and start enjoying the little things around me, I'll try to not go back with my ex if the opportunity ever comes up, I won't jump into relationships, I won't get attached & finally I won't let anything get me down, no feelings confuse me & I won't let anyone get to know me.