Notes

I have been quiet since this whole fiasco happened. One thing I have learned from this whole ordeal is when things go wrong, and you are down and out you don't have anybody but God.I was very confused. Very, very confused. I went over our experiences together and analyzed them one by one. Maybe this was just his game and I was a toy in it. Maybe… maybe… maybe. 1,001 maybes went through my head. Each was a possibility. Yet at the end of it, all I had were maybes. There were no concrete answers to unravel my confusion.For the first time, I felt my heart, break. Here was the guy who promised me he would never let me get hurt, who said he would earn my trust, who said he would always be there for me, whom I trusted with all my heart. He turned out to be the same guy who hurt me the most. My heart felt like it had cracked and broken into different pieces. I felt both emotional pain and physical pain in my heart. Many people knew me as a strong girl, independent, fearless, who wasn’t daunted by anything. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be unaffected despite what happened.And for the most part, I did. On the outside, I dealt with it very well, appearing unfazed. I seemingly moved on with little downtime.But inside me, was a little girl: small, vulnerable, angry and hurt. As much as I tried to be strong, I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I had opened myself up to this guy, trusted him, fell for him, and this happened. I thought I at least deserved an explanation for what was going on. But I didn’t even get that. All I had were questions, a bunch of hypotheses, and no answers. I felt like some kind of fool, like I had been played around with. The sleepless nights, the confusion, the praying day in and day out has led me to this moment now. Once you realize you deserve better, letting go will be the best decision you will ever make.I have no idea what my future holds, but for God to intercede when he did lets me know that God is still God and he sits on the throne. I thank God for protecting me from what I thought I wanted. Pray but then be willing to meet God halfway. P.S. One day at a time.