Notes

Resolution/ Falling Action

Writing:

Just when that happened, mother walked into the house. She, too, was shocked at the scene. She turned to the siblings, John and Kate, and asked, “Who broke the window? What happened?” After knowing what had happened, Mother sighed and said to John, “Can you promise to not do it again, John?” John nodded, ashamed of what he had done. Mother called someone to help fix the window. “ I will give you both a second chance. Please do not do this again.” John and Kate nodded in agreement.


What You Did Well:
The mother’s calm but firm response shows her disappointment while also giving the siblings a second chance.
The line “Can you promise to not do it again, John?” ties into the theme well.

What Can Be Improved:
Feelings: Add more about how John and Kate felt when their mother discovered the broken window.
Example: "John’s face turned red with shame, and Kate looked down, holding the ball tightly as tears welled up in her eyes."

Actions: Show how the siblings reacted after hearing their mother’s words. Did they apologize immediately?
Example: "Kate mumbled, 'We’re so sorry, Mum,' while John nodded quickly, unable to meet her eyes."

Language Improvements:
"Just when that happened, mother walked into the house."
→ "At that moment, their mother walked into the house."
"I will give you both a second chance. Please do not do this again."
→ "'I’ll give you both a second chance, but I expect you to learn from this,' their mother said firmly."

Conclusion

Writing:

As the person was fixing the window, the siblings rethought about their actions. They were grateful for their mother for a second chance. They vowed to never take their mother’s words for granted and never to be naughty again.


What You Did Well:
The ending ties back to the theme as the siblings reflect on their mistake and vow to improve.
The line “They were grateful for their mother for a second chance” reinforces the lesson learned.

What Can Be Improved:
Feelings: Add more about how they felt as the window was being fixed. Were they embarrassed or reflective?
Example: "John and Kate sat quietly, their cheeks burning with shame, as they watched the repairman fix the window."

Actions: Describe how they helped or tried to make up for their mistake.
Example: "Kate swept up the broken glass, while John promised to save up his allowance to help pay for the repairs."

Language Improvements:
"They vowed to never take their mother’s words for granted and never to be naughty again."
→ "They promised to listen to their mother’s advice and to never be careless again."