Notes

Today was a wired day. I woke up at like 11:00 per usual now and stayed in my room all day. That was until my dad decided to make me help him paint the murphy bed. I didn't really do much though. I basically stood there like an emotional support person. Then he told me that we had to go to his friend's birthday party 5 minutes before we had to leave for it. I had to get ready fast, so I looked very bad obviously. As per usual it was a little awkward at first getting there then it got better when I saw some kids I actually knew. Anyway, we left and then wet home. I ate a little taco bowl and idk I just barely eat anymore I mean like maybe 1 to 2 meals a day which is not bad but on my bad days I will eat like nothing. My therapist says it because of my depression which she diagnosed me for. Kinda sucks things feel a little different lately. I mean I just feel like okay and kind of just meh all the time. I was told writing this stuff at the end of a day is important. When I have things to talk about It helps to type it. I swear I could type for hours if I wanted to. Just about anything. This is not even for me to read in the futer just to get all of my thoughts out where I can see them, I guess. But at the end of the day, I finally cleaned my room up a bit. Then did a lot of self-care. So that was good. I also still do not know where I stand with God. I have no idea what I do or don't believe in. Or what I feel. I have never heard God never really had an experience with God. Yet I would pray every night and read the bible thinking that If I just did mt "duties" as a Christian then I will be right with God and that I am getting closer in a relationship with Jesus, but truth is I felt zero difference in the way I felt with Jesus or myself. I gave it months and yet nothing changed whatsoever. Idk I told God if he has some kind of plan for me then I trust him, but I'm done right now just doing what Im "suppose" to be doing. Anyway, that's it good night.