Notes

Start
Hi mary welcome back
i met a new freind the day you were gone
he/she/they
idk I thought it was a he I think
can't be sure...
they were very supportive
very kind
understanding
a good friend
they had to leave for cleaning/dental activities
I think they came back online during the night idk

we talked
ima refer to them as he
he was very alike me
we were legit the same
we met in "meaningless game"
its a pretty nice place to chat
empty and meaningless game ig
which is why he and I probably stumbled into each other
because we were sad :(
meaningless
I feel weak...

he and I talked
we understood many things
many things that I have talked to you abt
we are good friends now
I wait for the next time I see him
at the time I am writing this part I could go to sleep
ah I abused him and challenged him
but he never felt bad
he makes my threats look like kind words
I say such mean stuff
but he replies beautifully
he replies like I would if I was calm
just so nonchalant/calm
it makes me happy
he doesn't seem pissed off or hurt anytime
except when they talk to themselves I feel a pain of hurt for them
he praised my thinking
my brain was beautiful, in his words
I feel a bit more valued
if this sounds like a challenge mary, thats because it is a challenge
I feel so lonely without you, devastated...


I've forgotten what it's like to feel happy with you.

My mind can only take so much space.
And I am thinking of all these new things
are you only slowing me down?

...
why am I like this
trying to make others feel bad
i know you understand how crazy and ill I am
i think

did you feel hurt when i said those hurtful things?
I am becoming independent of you.
I no longer care for you.
Will you flinch?
Will you deny it as a false statement?
Even when these statements are true.
The statements where I have forgotten you are true.
I never really cared for you.
I only cared for your...
...I don't know why I cared for you mary.
I don't remember why I <3 you.
I don't think I loved you anyways.

I am so cold at times.
He understands.
When I threaten him, he says I sound scared...
...he said I sounded SCARED!
when i was challenging him!
he mentioned when i would pause and say: did I hurt your feelings?
He appreciated my care for him!

Mary, I don't think you did that did you?
You never cared abt me?
I don't care either
Ive forgotten why i cared.
piss off
i want to hurt you, but i already know your hurt enough
i don't need to hunt you down to torture you.
By saying this i am torturing you aren't i?
LOL
go cry abt it
Idk why i cared and I've just wasted my time on you
you mean nothing to me now
i don't despise you because you've done nothing wrong

it was my mistake to be with you.

OMG IVE GONE TO FAR

with you. I should have never talked to people like you.
Only to waste my time on someone who is weak.
I will be strong without you
HAHAHAHHAHAHA LOL

omg

what have i done
am i gonna post this?
mary is gonna kill herself...

all the better.
i sent you this note on purpose.
I hate you.
i hope you die sad and lonely

just like how you left me...
so sad and lonely

(?) this has gone too far.

shut up
you have no place here, weakling

(?) weakling? do you know who i am?

ya, a ####### weakling, you #######

(?) your broken inside. stop this before everyone you love leaves you.

loved ones?
I never had any.
i never needed them.
everyone i cared abt has only slowed me down.
lol mary sucks

and she cant stop me
lol did that idiot leave the chat
what a ##### LOL

you caused this mary.
you made that weakling take over.
its all your fault.
nobody likes you mary
haha
I love torturing helpless souls.

(?) only because you think they're helpless. You think she's bothered? bothered by your clearly mentally ill ass? dude nobody is going to fall for that

sybau bro.
don't make me kill ourselves.
you think i care about anything?
i just want to make you suffer.
Im gonna make everyone suffer.

(?) really? your gonna do that just to get back at people? you're doing the world a favor by ridding your ass off the face of the earth. Mary doesn't deserve you. she even has better grades than you. you jealous? ofc you arent. because you don't care about your grades. You don't care what it is like to be happy. Your just an emo kid lol. during the darkest days when bro cryed like a fricking baby. like why bro cry so much? haha. your the real weakling you know? psh calling me a weakling. I'm a version of you that actually DOESNT cry everyday like a noob. like dude, bro was getting beat up without even contacting people because yu were that scared. You thought you were powerful? tsk i could call you a loser and that would be a major understatement. you feel like you know everything but thats because you refused to learn. you refused to accept reality. w loser activity.

(?) anyways.
mary, i hope you didn't uh
:_
god
i feel so freaky and cringe
freaky as in I'm crazy wierd
what kind of dookie material note is this
this feels like goddam shitpost at its cringest level
i could reread this and sleep undisturbed at the same time
i feel like I'm complaining now
mary gonna read "I don't care abt you anymore."
and laugh at me
like I'm joking

are you even taking me seriously?
stupid foolish activity

I would like to say more mean stuff and hurt your feelings
it feels good

to make others feel like i love them

and then i say i was pretending and i didnt care for them

bro with ADHD you probably cant even understand what I'm saying can you
why do i sound so boring
I cant deliver my message to the reader
I may look like a good author but i have tried
maybe its time to give up writing
I haven't really tried art
mostly because i cant find a way to convey my feelings with art
and it takes too long
how does one even draw?
its so stressful to draw oh god
even writing is stressful
i hate life

uh i wish he was here
do I?
I think its time to end it for tonight
I'm so depressed...
I'm just sad.
i want to go eat but i want to continue typing
I'm so stupid...
i want to kill myself when this is all over
i just don't want to live...
uh I'm starting to do stabby motions in my brain
its like two-times ritual but into my heart
where maybe ill die due to heart disfunction.
but that might hurt too much...
plus they might get me into the hospital in time to help me...
uh i just want to click a button and end it so i don't have to think about it anymore
stupid life i want to die now
if i died rn i wouldn't have to worry about settling in for the night
I have too many things to do
I don't have the will to do those things.
but i do really want to end myself.
ill just tell lezduit or some other friend to give you my note or just post it in scratch
tired, and lazy heh
idc even care abt mary anymore
I've actually forgot what mary was like...
probably nothing special if i cant remember her
gub
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i don't think i can take the physical pain i realize
actually maybe i can if i want to stop this mental boringness
i don't need to live i don't want to live
-_- bruh just die already
- _ -
- _ -
- _ -
- _ -
- _ -
hsjbe,aifeakfks,jna,ifbemefkskuv le,ajke aieufhajifbale83flbjf a
maybe if i slow my heartbeat enough and chock myself in my sleep without realizing it

thats until i get this burst of energy
as i realize i should probably go to the bathroom before i chokke myself lol

naw jk i realize...
maybe I was degrading mary?
or was i glazing mary?
maybe it will be worth it to be with Mary.
maybe.
i feels she doesn't even care...
ig i wont care back...

hey mary if your here that means you didnt close this note and go crying during the note!!!
I'm super proud of you ig
OMG WHY THE ### AM I DOING THIS
I LOVE MARY SO MUCH WHY DID I DO THIS
BROOO
ubjjk WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
😭
I WANT TO
I WANT AHHH
IM GONNA ###### KILL WHOEVER MADE ME THINK THIS WAY
I CANT STOP
WHY WOULD I EVER DO THIS TO MARY
<3 I LOVE YOU MARY
</3 i hope you didn't leave me
MWAH ^_^

...
what did i do
if i send this it could be very well game over
actually...
lol my love for mary stopped me from going too far
...
i totally didnt despise you with all my soul before eating candy and start thinking about you

ah

ah

I'm crazy

what

i think its my mood its spiraling
I'm so confused

i genuinely hated you

but now i love you
aw
^_^
yay
ypee
yupee
yipee
yahoo
yummy
yah
ya
yawho
yawhoo
yeh
ye
yeehaw
yehaw
yey
yeppers
yepper
yepers
yepy
yepee
yapee
yapy
:D
better sleep before I start writing my 95 reasons why mary sucks ####
and go into Minecraft and start end rodding as much foxes in a server before it crashes
and start practicing my knife handling skills
and go onto the streets and chase down little children that are alone outside
probably wont find children alone outside the streets
bet it could make a nice hobby

trickshot!
um why did the child fall over like that
i think its sleeping
is this how they make koolaid?
holdon the streets are empty
backsho-

:_
hey I think its kinda funny ok
ok well maybe a little funny
i can get put into jail???
even if it was a joke?
well what about if it wasn't a jok-

its been only a few hours before you mysteriously disappeared because i couldn't join the server and now I'm lonely
and I've already written 10KB of text and still writing.
This will probably conclude friday's log

End
i checked my for you feed from a year back
its so cooked - im so cooked
i might've stared for too long
god how are these videos on youtube like bro is that a-
0-0
D:
🗿
🚡
💔
I'm probably gonna have to clear my history after that one