Notes

Dear Chloe,
I hope to dear god you never see this, people will be like why write it if your not going to show it. It's because I don't want it to ruin what we have, our weird friendship. I'm in love with you, I know you knew at one point but you probably think I'm over you. Your in love with Niamh and not me, you don't like me in that way anymore. I know you know did at one point, but not anymore. It's clear, how I wish that you still loved me like I love you. Sometimes I think that you still like me, but times I realise that that's not true. Gosh I feel dumb, because I am in love with someone who doesn't love me like that. You even put on one of those cute little jar notes, and I quote 'I love you (as a friend)' which may mean nothing to you. But it hurts like fuck, knowing we'll be nothing but friends. You didn't remember when we even met, I messaged you on kik an hour into the 23rd of July a day after the day we had known each other for 6 months. The message was a whole paragraph, saying how you probably forgot and didn't realise. But that didn't hurt as much as your reply, your reply was 'Oh yeah. Awesome.' Yeah that hurt like a bitch, that totally didn't hurt me. I than looked through loads of pictures from the times we met, yes I cried like a bitch while listening to Safe and Sound cover by Ellie and Lanson Austin. Gosh you now know, but the thing is you said when I read it to you 'I kinda thought/hoped it was still me' of course its about you. Its always been about you, your my first love, my world, by bestfriend. What feels like my soulmate, but there's an obstacle inbetween us. Her name is Niamh. You love her to bits, yet you also say you love me. As I am writing this your writing one about me, of course I started earlier but knowing you, you'll finish earlier. Gosh what you've read to me from the letter puts me on Cloud 9, you said I am on top of your list to everything. That makes me feel so darn special coming from you, I don't know why your in love with me a plain old dork. But I for one am so fucking happy you are, it means the absolute world to me. You are the first person on my mind when I wake up in the morning and right before I doze off to sleep at night, that sounds so bloody cheesy but it's true. All through my love life I had never felt anything with anyone, even when they felt something for me. When they'd say I love you, I'd say it back but I had never fully meant it. I had always felt nothing when they'd hug me, compliment me or anything. But whenever I saw you, hugged you or talked to you. It would be like all the worries melted away, like it was just you and me. I have never ever thought in a million years that all those cheesy things that happen in movies, like how they say the bestfriends somehow fall in love until those things happened to me. I hate how all you do is smile and it brightens up my whole world, I feel like I am one of those characters of a love film. I keep looking at you through the corner of my eye I'm surprised you didn't notice. Gosh no matter how many times you deny compliments your given it doesn't change a thing, every time I see you I think 'gosh, she's so beautiful' eve though I know when I say that you will deny it that doesn't change that I will always think of you in that way. No matter if we keep going in circles, cause my feelings for you have never and will never change.
From,
that dorky plain you somehow love which I don't know why you would.