Notes

You have no idea what I have been going through .. what it is like to manage everything.. including the cat, the house all alone with shit load of work to do for Pandora.. I have been suffering from extreme back pain since last few months.. visited the chiropractor bunch of times didn’t help.. went to the doc, didnt help either.. working around the house and taking care of shit kills me by degrees.. and I have been feeling quite low as well.. yep thats my problem and I have to deal with it and hence I havent been complaining or talking much about it to anyone.. but reality is, it kills me. makes me extremely sad at times and tired too. on top of that my parents have been extremely annoying for the past couple weeks about some family shit.. not much support from them either.. This is my personal shit and I didn’t ever want to bring it up.. but guess now I had to..


It seems like you miss a lot of emotional cues sometimes. The other Wednesday, I came home late and started cooking right away without even changing my clothes. Since I visit your place so many times and have food, it was my way of giving back something. A token of gratitude. You should understand that managing all of these being the only person in the house is not easy. Speaking of body language, once I was at your place, you were super high and you didn't seem to be in a condition to have any kind of technical discussion. You guys kept on talking about things and I was just going with the flow you as your guest! I had no idea you were so serious about sitting down and discussing Versus.

The following Friday, I stopped my car next to you by the curb and asked you about the our meeting time for the weekend You mentioend you would call me but you didn't. I even texted you later saying "Hey we can perhaps sit down now and discuss versus", but you replied saying "You were tired and didn't wanna do anything for the rest of the night". The next day I texted you at 12PM and you were like "Sorry I didn't hear from you earlier and I made plans". Tell you what? I woke up and found my cat had escaped his cage and made a fucking mess around the house and had to clean it including the pile of shit outside his litter box. That Saturday night I had a very lengthy talk/fight with my parents and slept at 4:30AM in the morning. The next morning I woke up at 11 AM and texted you but got the same rugged response from you. It only added to my chain of sorrows. I couldn't and didn't want to explain it to you at that moment. But I would have been at your place at 11:30AM if you were a little accomodating then.

The next long weekend, I was compeltely available but you weren't. You decided to go somewhere not me. If you were that serious about Versus, why not try that weekend? Had plenty of time for both Cashew and Versus then! Do you realize how you don't think about the moments you skipped?

Anyway, the next week i.e day before yesterday:- I texted you at 1:45PM saying I wanted to finish the one last episode of GOT I was yet to watch. Why do you think I was yearning to finish it in the first place? Weren't you the one who asked me to finish all the episodes before meeting you? (that was after you dropped me back from Mayank's Party) originally I had no intentions of sticking around for Game of Thrones at your place. I wanted to do 2-5 and leave. I only watched it to answer your questions since you said you would ask me a lot of them.

Then I pulled on to your driveway at exactly 2:59PM but then forgot that I had Samosas which I wanted you guys to have. So I ran back and got em. If I knew it would come to this situation today, I wouldn't have bothered about all these friendly gestures. I would have been as cold blooded as you or may be even more. Honestly, I don't understand your ways sometimes. It could be the cultural difference.

Moreover I only promised to work from 3-6 (3 hours). But didn't know you would drag it after dinner. I didn't really want to stay that late, but went with the flow thinking you would be annoyed if I cut it short. If my body language wasn't apporopriate that is because I was clearly tired and not willing to go ahead. I had so much to do at my place to prepare for the week anyway (lanudry and shit). But seriosuly the way you flipped out, it was harsh and I would never treat anyone that way inside my house. It was a walk of shame for me that night when I left your place. I felt so bad!

Clearly you knew that there were so many distractions at your place, why didnt you choose to go somewhere else? A cafe or some other place quiet or my place, in my bedroom where the cat isn't allowed and you yourself made a statement once, that the bedroom doesn't reek of cat.

I'm done defending myself against the tantrums you throw at me all the time. I think you mistake me for your servant and take me for granted. I honestly never thought this moment would ever come. Was trying to swallow it all these days.. Not anymore. You are not the Hicham I befriended!

Thanks for your comments on tokenfield and everything else. You have been a great friend. I wish you the best in your future endeavors.