Notes

I discovered Christina around 5 years ago, her cover of 'Just a Dream' became my favorite song quite quickly. I've always loved covers and was always searching for singers that would give me chills, that would mess with my emotions, and she was that type of singer.

Through some difficult times of my life, I had no one to talk about it, no one I would trust enough to explain my problems, not even family. I got to talk with 3 different psychologists, but none of them could 'fix' me. I was depressed about life, about myself... I would push my friends away, I wanted to stay alone, no one would understand me anyway. In those times alone, I would find ways to forget about my life, I would dream awake, watch TV shows and listen to music. Christinas songs were the first songs of my playlists, it would always put me in another dimension, I would forget all my problems while listening to music.

At 17 years old, after depression f*cking me up on school, I had another problem to think about. A pain in my shoulder made me drop from school, it took a few months to discover what it was(Brazilian health system ¯_(ツ)_/¯ ). It was june 2013, exactly 3 years ago, when I discovered that I had cancer. 3 days later I was travelling 600 miles to get a better treatment, at the best hospital in Brazil. Even tho those times weren't easy, the travelling times were my favorite part of my life, I would listen to music the whole way, my whole playlist, that would keep me sane. The problem was: the time that it took for me discover it, made the tumour grow a lot, making the surgery a high risk surgery. In the best case scenario I would lose full movement of my left arm, and in the worst case, I would die. Thankfully there was another option, I could do a treatment called embolization that would 'kill' the tumour without removing it. It was the first time it would've been done in the type of tumour I had(in my country).

The next months(or year), I went in a roller coaster of pain and relief. After 3 times doing the operation(which would give the worst pain I ever had, I used to take morphine and it would only reduce the pain in like 30%) and recovering of it(which took over 3 months each time), the tumour was finally dead(I still got with me, since remove it was too risk). Since then, my life has been pretty boring, I went back to that state of trusting no one, my only sources of joy are still TV shows, musics and streams.

Christina was my crush when I was 15, and an inspiration after that. She was my goal of happiness, seeing that someone could be so positive was surreal for me, but it showed me that there was joy out there, somewhere. She brought a light to my life, and I'm hoping to see it again after all this darkness. It's my duty as #teamgrimmie to keep her message going, to keep her memories alive, even if it hurts.

My name is Richard, I'm 20 year old, Brazilian, and I miss you Christina !