Notes

Hi Denise, before I start I'll just say don't bother messaging your mom. This will be my final message to you. If you show your mom anyway I think that's really stupid cause I'm just using this to let you know something. The way you handled that was wrong. You led me on. I'm in love with you so much and you know that. I stayed up for hours just to make sure you were ok. I know you don't care or think "I didn't have to", but I did. Cause I do care. The way you just blocked me without letting me finish is so fucked up. The fact that you would leave me here when you were the one person I trusted not to do that. I'm not sickening. I just think you can't return the feelings I had for you and with the other stuff you had going on you couldn't handle that. We could have had a good night. Until YOU started something. I make that clear cause you keep blaming everything on me which isn't right. I fucked up some shit but so did you. I just wanted to be your friend. You can't tell someone that you want to meet them one night and the next never message them again. I do get annoying and such but the fact that you couldn't just let me talk. You left me here crying so much that my mom came in and I was so embarrassed and had to make up some excuse. I've done so much for you that you don't appreciate or understand or even realize. I love you more than anything and if the roles were reversed even if you pissed me off or annoyed me. I would not just block you and leave you alone. I'm not saying all this to make you feel bad. I'm saying this so you will understand that I'm not fully in the wrong and that the way you handled this wasn't right. I didn't want us to end like this. You're the one girl I care about and think about all the time. I got you a lock in Paris. I got a painting of us together since we can't take pictures together cause we're so far apart. I did wrong to I'm not a saint. But you know what Denise. You did some really bad things to me and I always forgived you. I wanted to say my last things to you and instead of you letting me you flipped out and blocked me which isn't fair at all. You may think it is but any sensible person will agree with the fact that it isn't. You really won't understand until it happens to you. How much I love you Denise. All the good times we had together. How fast you got over me wasn't fair. You know what the worst part is? I'm not gonna be able to put all my feelings into this note. Fuck, you may never see it. But if you do, if you loved me you could unblock me and just let me telling every god damn thing that's in my head cause that's what I so badly want to do. But you won't. I know it. In fact you'll probably make this out to me just trying to make you feel guilty. Which isn't true. I will get over you. It'll take me a long time. I know it will cause I love you so much that you don't even know. I spent 2 years with you and you have always been my top priority. You mean Absolutely everything to me. That week I spent alone was so fucking hard. You don't even understand. Just thinking about all this it's so hard not to cry. Knowing you don't care about me or love me anymore. I think it hurts even more cause your still the same girl to me. That beautiful girl, with the cutest laugh and the most beautiful smile in the world. Your the girl who got drunk and told me a million times how much you liked me. You're the girl who took a selfie in the rain for me. Your the girl who spend days straight with me talking over that first summer. You will always be that girl to me. Truthfully I will always have feelings for you. Getting over you will be one of the hardest I'll ever do. Considering how I barely go out and I always spend my time inside. You know when I used to hang out with my friends, a lot of the times I would regret it cause I would have rather been with you at home in a call. That's why I probably won't go out for a really long time cause that feeling will be there until I get over you. I'm so scared of life without you. Bean you are the girl I'll always remember. As much as I hate that we didn't work out and the shitty things that did happen. Those were the best two years of my life. You made me happy again and I know that feeling isn't here right now I do know one day it'll come back. I've already made this message so long, I apologize for that. I just want you to know I love you so fucking much. I'm crying right now righting this. It's gonna be so hard not to message you or call you. The nights that I'm gonna spend alone, crying myself to sleep. It's gonna be one of the worse Summer's of my life even though it was supposed to be the best cause I was supposed to meet you. There gonna be nights where I wish I could just run away and show up at your door. But I know I can't do that. I'm sorry for rambling. If you ever need me I'll be here. You can unblock me on anything and message me or call I will be there. There's so much more I want you to know. I wish I was in a call with you and I could stay up all night with you and tell you every single thought and feeling in my brain. But I only have one chance to message you on something without harassing you and I have to use it so you can see this and hopefully understand. Cause the really sad part is, your gonna get over me completely really quick and I'm gonna let it eat at me. I'm gonna stay up late tonight and read your letters and paragraphs and cry and clutch your shirt until I fall asleep hoping so bad that my phone will ring and it'll be you cause I don't know what to do. I want this letter to mean so much to you but it most likely won't mean anything. You'll probably think I'm even more annoying. I love you more than anything in the universe my beautiful, beautiful bean. You will forever be in my heart. There's so much I want to say right now, I to beg you to call me but I know you won't. All I ask is that if you don't want to reply before you block me just let me know you read this. I love you so fucking much Denise Lauren Chartrand