Notes

i noticed you weren't at the train station today or last tuesday. was that a one-off then? what happened? isnt it nice to know things? in maths you put your hand up but no one noticed or if they did they didn't care. i care. but don't worry, i'm not some yandere stalker. yet. kidding! i think... have you noticed i'm using punctuation stuff and spelling everything correctly? the only thing i'm not using is capital letters. it's hard with this screen. why dont you come to ict club? it's on tomorrow. you must know about it and i see you in the lrc anyway. if you're worried about meeting people, your friends go. and i wouldn't mind catching you up even thought you'd probably end up teaching me! i often ask myself, why you? what makes you any more special than the rest? well, you're kind. you really are. if you weren't i wouldn't have spent all those weeks asking if you wanted to eat lunch with us if you werenlt. and i see myself in you. i can't be around you. i can't. but i want to be. i want to just run over to you and hug you and tell you everything's okay, whatever anyone says to you or about you, i love you. but i also want you to hold me and tell me it'll be okay, that i'll make it, that we'll make it. i want you to tell me everything you know, however long it takes, i want you to grow you hair so i can twirl it around my finger, i want you to forget anything anyone has said about me, anything you just assumed about me and see me for me, however broken i am. i want you to play minecraft with me, laugh when a zombie appears and i scream, help when i need help recreating the building in my head, and just forget the world around us. take a break from reality. i want to find your youtube channel. i can't. i need to look harder. i want so much. yet so little. everything i said i wanted is basically you. i don't care if you don't ‛like‛ me. i'll just be your friend. but over half way through our time together and we're only drifting further appart. i watch you in maths. no one realises. they think im looking at the board or the teacher but im watching you. you're about my height, right? so how come your legs don't fit under the table properly? you always look so tired. so worn out. are you? one day, i'll make you see that you mean more to me than you could ever imagine. one day.