Notes

First things first. I love you. And that won't change for a while. It's hurts like a bitch you moved on so easily and quickly and I been like left here like lol wtf. 💔 I have this silly ass hope in the back of my mind that one day you'll come back and stuff will be good again. Like I deadass know that that's not gonna happen but yenno. I know you don't wanna talk about it anymore and I just want it to be done with as much as you do so I gotta get this off my chest. Like I said before I'm just having trouble letting you go and I still ain't accept the fact that you're just happier elsewhere. You're never coming back and I am honestly trying my best to be ok with that. But there's a selfish part of me that hates that happiness couldn't be found with me but it is what it is. I don't know what made you think I was gonna get over this so easily because wtf do you not understand what you did? Someone who I let my guard do to and shared myself with was ripped from my arms and left me. By my mf self. My biggest fear came true. That's the only way I see it. You won either way and got what you wanted and wtf am I supposed to do? It's not that easy fr, especially seeing how you just moved on no prob. It confuses me. I'm a hot fucking mess and I fucked around and got too attached all while being stubborn as fuck.
I'm sorry for hurting. Sorry for not being okay, sorry for feeling broken. Like I bent over backwards for you and put you before myself so many times and it wasn't good enough. It makes me feel extremely retarded knowing that I ended up trusting with my heart too soon and ending up loving you more than you love me. I don't wanna look desperate because I cared too much, because that's not what it is. 😩 🙄 I need to get it together lol. Like nothing ever happened to me like this and I don't know how to cope and what to do with myself but cry cry cry. Idk what else to do and I kinda feel blamed for how I feel. Like hell yeah my emotions everywhere, I loved you so mf much and you were just like "oh btw I'm gonna go over here and work on this relationship with someone else. We can be friends tho." LIKE HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE THAT? In a way this is probably the best thing happening for me. Like a blessing in disguise yenno? I just don't see it yet. I just feel left in the dark about a lot of things and I just question why me? Or why not me? I take a risk and it fucked me up. Story of my life lol. That shit hurts and I lowkey think you don't even care lols. At least that what it seems like. Maybe it's for you, or whatever. Idk. You just wanna move on and have your little happy relationship you been waiting on. Kinda don't blame you cos why dwell and keep dealing with baggage? I never wanted anybody to feel like I needed them cos my pride. 😐 I'm in a way hating myself rn cos I feel like I'm metaphorically pulling on your pants leg screaming don't leave lol. Like I deadass thought you felt the same about me. But you're already gone and no longer mine and that's kinda what's hard to accept. That all those good ass times,despite that bad, are gonna be shared elsewhere and I think about it every day & night ugh. I'm still trying so hard to see the positive in all this and I'd kill for it to be different cos I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy man. I just got so comfy and attached and ignored everybody and defended you cos I swore to myself it ain't what they think. I'm just hella disappointed. I don't think I'll be able to be there for you like I used to be, not cos of me but I have a feeling you won't allow me to be. Literally talking to you makes it harder for me to move on cos I'm stuck on the past and you were right, I can't let shit go. It's just 😩😩😢 I was assured time and time again that you wasn't fucking with her like that then bam. I was sooooo motherfucking confused and just all types of devastated and heartbroken I guess cos I just thought it was just us but lol naw you had other plans. 🙄
Again I feel like I'm wasting my breath but then again it's helping. Things have changed enough to where if you did come back, I just dunno if I could take you back. Been through too much, and just to be left empty handed…once again. I'm gonna miss your ass tho. 😞 This shit huuuuurtsss ok? Maybe down the line in life, we might link up again. Maybe not. But now like I just wanna be done with everything and I stg I didn't even know I was that deep in until the shit went down. Like fuuuuckkkk. 😕 but ya I'm just an ex now and you got what you wanted in the end and all happy so just don't worry too much about me k? I got stuff going for me so Imma be ok one of these days. Like you said, it just wasn't meant to be. *shrugs*