Notes

They say your emotional, but they don't know your breaking point. Or the scary thoughts that they make you think at night and you wonder if you can ever overcome the fear of telling someone or getting help but you cant, because someway they will find out...You blase music though your headphones at night so you cant hear the sobs or the cries but other people do, and they know whats happening they know what your going through they try and make it okay but they cant. And make you end up miserable until they finally get what they want. and the people that love you become you. And you cant fix that because the fuck up that you already are will make it all worse, you put on makeup and say its fine when in reality every time you put on mascara and put on an act you hurt your self even more because you know that's not who you are, they write mean shit and say mean shit behind your back they give you trust issues because the people that you call friends end up being the ones that makes you ache and its not like you can stop it for when they find the next victum, you say your tired of peoples bullshit but you cant because whatever they say in the past haunts you and notice how its 2 am in the morning and your sitting here in bed writing this blaring music though your headphones trying to ignore whats actually happening.. and is writing down her feelings because you don't have anything to say in person and they say its more powerful writing it down.and you cant get your mom because you cant bare what shes thinking of you or your dad because he will just be in shock because he sees that his little girl is depressed and that's another reason, i could go a whole list of things that hurt you but you wouldn't care, you try to sleep you've taken melatonin but thats not working anymore and you dont know what to do but just to sit and cry your self to sleep or just close your eyes and try your best because you need it. and they people you love will end up leaving you just like one day you will do so to them because of the cruel and sick people out there. this message means a lot... it does because it what i want to say in person but i can find the words to say it or even the guts to say it, this was going to start out as a little paragraph but ended up spilling out everything that im sharing with strangers and shit, so sorry for kind of wasting your time for me spilling it out trying to find the words i want to say in person but you cant its not just something you bring up in group therapy or to your closest trusting adult