Notes

So, this is it. The canvas of my life. What do I want? What I am willing to give in return? Who am I? Who will I become?

I want money. Lots of money. But why? Why do I want them so bad? What do I want to do with them?

To buy stuff. Lots of stuff. Luxury stuff. Things that make me feel superior, in a sense that I have great tastes and all my things are fuckin' awesome just the way I choose 'em. I want a custom made Benz, lots of tattoos all over my body, my selection of supplements, of drugs, of distractions. Distractions from what exactly? Will all these make me feel better? Will they make me feel fulfilled? I do not know. But what I do know, is that I don't want to be financially or otherwise dependent on anyone/anything that isn't me. Yes, that includes drugs. And my parents. And everything/everyone who isn't me.

For to be self-relaint is very important. That's why I want money. Money means freedom. Freedom to try, to fail, to learn. To piss off people, my own fortune and everything else in between without feeling remorse for fucking anyone else but myself. So, what am I willing to give? 4 days a week? 3 days? None? Give up on everything (including girls, drugs, games)? I do not know how far I can or am willing to go.

But I know how far I wish to go. I want to give 4 days/week of a minnimum 8 hours of work a day + ideas brewing. And if I get to leave aboard of some fuckin' ship I want to give a maximum of 6-8 months/year to money chasing. I want to win money. I want to feel accomplished. I want to not feel like a fuckin' burden to everyone anymore.

Will I feel better after all this work? After I'll have some money? After I'll buy my first car? My first wardrobe? My first shipment of chosen drugs? After I'll unload here looking at a stash of cash, drugs and some car keys? Will I really feel better? Will I think that it's worth all the work? I do not know. But I do know I'll at least feel better about doing something, anything productive with my life. Parasitic lifestyle is not for me. I want to work, to create, to try stuff until somethings sticks and I can make money and enjoy my time.

So, that's that I guess.

Now, how do I do it? What steps must I take daily to get closer to what I want? Money, freedom, self-respect? What do I need for all this? What is TRULY essential for all this?

A functioning physical body? Well, without it everything is fucked or much harder, so there's that allright. Now, how do I do it? Do I have it? Yes. Good! Now how do I keep it that way? Let's see...

KEEPING A FUCKIN' FUNCTIONAL BODY